Words and Fire

Have you ever just blurted out words.... Just having a great ol time, not thinking about what you're saying b4 letting them out.... Then you get a flash, someone stops your little rolling party with a replay of what you just said.... The party is over, its not fun any more.. you didnt mean to do damage, but the damage is done. You feel worse than the worst. Lower than the infection that feeds off the puss that eats the scum at the bottom of the bucket.... whoever you said that too totally didnt deserve what you'd said... How can you make it better?? Ugh... I HATE it when I do that!!!

Indiana Weather

ISN'T this weather so nuts??? Just yesterday everyone was all cooped up inside half scared to venture out cuz of all the ice on the roads... today, when I woke up there was NO SNOW!!! lol everything is melted in big puddles all over the place, and it feels like FLORIDA outside!!!! YES!!! I love florida in the winter. lol Indiana weather is so wacky. Gotta love it.

Biggest Loser Pound for pound pledge

So I got onto the Biggest Loser site last night, looking to see when they are gonna start up the January show.... I saw that they have started up this weight loss thing to help the needy... for every pound someone loses some ppls have promised to give a pound of food to the food banks. I was looking at it, thats a really neat idea!! You aren't allowed to report more than two pounds per week... but I was like... hmmmm in 14 weeks.. losing 2 pounds per week.. thats about.... 30 pounds.... MAYBE I should do that!! lol We'll see how it goes... lol I haven't ever made a weight loss goal YET! lol I pledged it.... BUT we'll see lol. Hopefully I will stick to this one.

This is sooo fun!!!! lol. I love bad weather.... unless I have to be out in it of course :). The roads on the way over here were like driving on a slip and slide!! lol My parents tried to make it to Nappanee this morning, and got to 19... turned around and came back... they said it was horrible. Soooo.. I asked my dad.. can I get on the internet real quick and check my bacefook?? he was kinda like, NO!! I'm expecting a call!! Go to steve's!! I looked at mom with a grin... and he wouldnt even let you go to town???? lol. MY DAD!! I love him. So De iced my car and came over.... Steves dog was begging thru her nose to get into the house.. she was so funny.. this HUGE Mastiff slippin and sliding all over the sidewalk trying to keep up with me... and when i got to the door she pushed right past me into the garage.... bout knocked me over!!!! I hope steve doesnt mind... :S.

Yesterday was so much fun!!! My brothers and sister and i played Rock Band for about FIVE hours straight!!! lol! needless to say I don't feel like playing it today! :) But we played games alll day, and just goofed off... You remember when you were little and every thing was hilarious, you would just keep laughing and screwing around together, getting louder and louder, till your mom yelled at you to SHUT UP!!!.. and even after that you kept poking your brother and snickering quietly?? That was my brothers and sister and I last night lol. Wish I could be a kid forever sometimes. I even got to talk to one of my friends alot yesterday that I don't get to talk to alot any more... It was so fun!! I included him in our fun.. I hope I cheered him up, cuz he had to work 16 hours straight on Christmas Day... what a bummer that would be!! Well, gonna run!!! Hope every one is having a great day!! Resting up after yesterday!!! :) God Bless. me

Wondering

I want to celebrate Christmas, I have all my life. I really just don't want to get caught up in all the meaningless parts of it like Santa Claus, chimneys, and shopping sprees. Christmas times seem so crazy. Running here, running there, got to get every gift before the twenty-fifth. Gotta clean house, buying so much food you could feed an army when maybe next door there are people in need of things too. Somehow seems alot of us get so busy with our own friends and family that we may not notice this...

I wonder what happened to the simplicity?? When you would make your Dad a scarf, or hat, or fashion a rocking chair for your mom or sister? Put an orange or an apple in the stocking with a piece of candy? String popcorn and make paper chains to hang on the tree as a family, then sit around the fire drinking hot cocoa? Wake up in the morning, read the christmas story b4 opening gifts, then get out the fiddle that evening and dance and sing together? When did all the monetary hustle and bustle become such a part of christmas? Just wondering.... Just some thoughts from someone who doesn't know much about Christmas. I hope EVERYONE has a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! the best one yet!!! Me...

Learning of Christmas

Excitement in the air

Breath Freezes in a cloud

Snow covers the ground everywhere

No where do you see a frown

Every where you look, people are talking

children chattering of gifts desired

Happy faces greet you when you're walking

Some glowing with energy, some tired

Whether tired or not, this time of year

seems to pick you up, and carry you

on an almost visible stream of awesome cheer

without knowing how, you are smiling happily too

Just new to all this fun

I'm looking, learning, and trying to find

the parts of the holiday that come

and still have meaning when you look a year behind

God help me learn a balance

of learning to enjoy this time

and when I look back with a glance

that I'll know you've changed this heart of mine

about gifts don't let me worry too much

except the gift of love you gave us all so freely

please help me be closer to you thru all this cheer

and please help me give your gift of love to those who need it really

I Don't know.....

Why am I this way? It seems one moment I'm flying so high...
I'm laughing, singing, teasing. Nothing inside me is asking why...
Something begins to pull my heart down, the happy carefree moment is passin
I don't even know for sure what it was, Where'd these tears come from my hearts askin...
I fall down on my face and He reminds me again...
He knows my deepest desperate needs. My heart his loving arms start to mend..
Then again I"m completely content, resting solely in His grace
How sweet to be hiding in this peaceful place...
I'm really starting to wonder... Is there a way to break this vicious whim??
Or is this how my loving Heavenly Father keeps me in line, always seeking Him?
Every day to keep Him my focus, if only this girl could learn...
Then maybe my heart would stay sweetly content, and restful by turn!

Be my Refuge...

I should be at church..... I am at home....... Today is one of those days I feel I desperately need to be in His presence. The roads are horribly dangerous right now, so I'm not going out any where unless I have to. Lord, I need you... Please hold me close?? Be my refuge when doubts come at me please.... Help me. IJN

The Good Life...

Y There is a song, sung by Audio Adrenaline, This is the good life, I've lost everything I could ever want, ever dream of... this is the good life, I've found everything I could ever need, here.. in your arms... I was thinking today, of how its so true how God does that to us. I had so many things in my life that i was just holding onto, and I always was saying, like the Barlow Girl song, Surrender... if I give my dreams to you God, will I still be able to dream?? A few weeks ago i let it go, something I had held onto for over five years.... something I had fought for, not wanting to give it up, something I held dear to my heart, of my own accord, knowing that God wanted me to give it up years ago.... It was hard... One of the hardest things I ever had to do, then a couple weeks later... I gave up something else, another of the hardest things I've ever done. But in return? I have so much joy, I KNOW that He loves me, That I did the right thing, He speaks to me throughout the day again, and I WANT to seek his face in the word again, spend time with HIM. I'm falling in love with Him over again... what an awesome thing the grace of God. I would be so lost without it..... He has set friends in my life that never gave up on me, thank you Lord for them. I realize now how much they were hurt maybe by my stubborness to God, yet now, I need them, and they are here for me, and I am able to be here for them.... And He even brought wonderful new friends too!! Looking back now, I KNOW that I am much better off now... than I was b4. WHY in the world did I not SEE??? No... I don't have a job, I don't have those things I was required to give up right now, BUT I have so much more... what I NEED... what I need, that I have!!!! I am so thankful that HE knew what I would need, even b4 i needed it! I am content now, I know He will supply what I need, when I need it, I know I can trust Him. I know I can rest in Him...Y

Not much happenin

I did not know making christmas cookies was so fun!!!! I had so much fun yesterday, went to a friends house, and she, her daughter, and I and another friend and her son all made cookies and visited. What a day! lol. I think I gained 5 pounds tho :).

Today is going by very slowly, I have been doing a study on the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, can't believe all the scriptures I've found today on that subject!!! Amazing!!! I'm also working on a project for a friend, so I was sewing for awhile, while talking to my mom. My mom can talk! She always wants to tell you all the news, whats going on with everyone in the family :). Its a good thing we have moms, or we might lose touch with whats going on in the family sometimes.

Now I'm at my brothers house, and his HUGE English mastiff Jazz keeps coming up to me sniffing and whistling at me thru her nose, I think she wants some attention. Shes such a sweet heart :)

Well, projects are calling, no one is on the internet today, so, I am off to work. :)

I wanna puppy!!

I was minding my own business, had to go to the dentist, so I'd gone there, and stopped at Joanns Fabrics, and I was looking for a parking spot at walmart when I looked up and saw a white car, with a sign in the window that said...Puppies for Sale!!! I usually ignore things like that, but the lady in the car was holding up this tiny little puppy, soooo adorable, so i parked, and ran across the parking lot to ask about the babies. She rolls her window down, and tells me how much they cost, at first thought I was like... no way... not right now, but when she said Miniature Jack Russell, I stopped, maybe thats not such a bad deal.... the more I looked at that cute little guy, I wanted to buy him and take him home with me! so i told the lady, ok, I'll try to get ahold of my mom..... And I went into walmart to do my shopping. the WHOLE time I was trying to get ahold of her.... I cannot get an animal without permission from her, cuz I still live at home, well, I have my own apartment, but its at my parents house... so its thiers... and they have forbidden animals in the house, except on very rare occasions. I never did get ahold of my mom, but I got the ladies phone number, just in case my mom is feeling generous today :). I came home, and got on the internet, I know NOTHING about Jack Russells, just have heard that they can be smart dogs... and I've never HEARD of mini ones!! Well, I got onto one site, to check them out, they say that Mini Jack Russells havent even been recognised by the Breed ppl,and basically they are just shorter legged... hmmm confusing.... those puppies sure were adorable tho.... I wanna puppy!! lol

God has a sense of humor

I think God has a huge sense of humor! After this last couple weeks, I am sure of it! Lord, please help me trust you more, to rely fully on you, and never to look to someone else for too much!!! You have been trying to teach me this lesson for a LOOONNGGG time, one of these days, I am gonna GET it! lol. I love you Lord. Thankyou for working on me, and never giving up on me!!!

Projects

When I was young, very often you'd find me making something with my hands.. Always had one project or another going. Thru the years I got a job, and became busy, it was more and more rare to see me working on projects. I was laid off about 2 months ago, and after the first week I was about going crazy, not having anything to do, but I tried to keep busy with friends, and family, helping mom, ect.
I was going thru a really hard time a week or so ago, and I had gone to one of my best friends house to help her make bread bowls... er well, actually most of the time I ate her yummy food and watched her make the bread bowls, lol, but any way, I was spending time with her...:). So we sat down on the couch, and were chatting when I noticed she had picked up crocheting. I watched her a moment, I had once known how to do that fairly well, but its been sooooo long, I couldnt remember! So I said, Can I do some?? lol she looked at me funny, but being the sweet person she is, she found me a skien of yarn, and a needle and proceeded to help me start a scarf.
I have been working on that scarf since then, and I have started three other projects this last week!! lol. But I have found that working with my hands helps calm my nerves, and helps me to take time to pray, instead of worry...I have found my love of sewing and doing things like that again! Thank you so much girl!! lol. And I'm not BORED any more! :) :) :) Praise GOD!!!!!

The sermon today at church....

If you are SAVED, Jesus is your personal Lord and Saviour today....YOU ARE EQUIPPED!!! You have what it takes-in the natural, and in the supernatural! Isn't that refreshing to know?? That is how the sermon started this morning, after an amazing worship service.... God was speaking to me so strongly today, I felt that nearly every single word out of the mouth of the Pastor was for me today. So... This is what God was saying to me today...
This walk is about a 7 day relationship, with Jesus, feeding on His word, every day. There is STILL a Hell to shun, and a heaven to gain.... so many ppl don't realize this, and are becoming more and more accepting of things, that aren't from the Lord. God is not MAD, maybe heart broken, but when He died on the cross, for YOU, you being ALREADY saved, and accepted into His kingdom...He is not angry with you any more!
God is not a cruel being, sending ppl to hell, but EACH person that goes to hell is CHOOSING to to go hell of their own accord. He made the way to salvation, and each day is trying to bring more and more ppl to Him, but its our own choosing what comes in the end....

In v. 8 Lot was vexed, and oppressed by seeing every day the ungodly and thier deeds... The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of satanic attack, temptation, trials and from divine wrath...and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgement to be punished.
In 2 Thess. 2:1-? God will send delusion-that they should worship the devil. WHY?? would God harden a persons heart????? BECUZ they have chosen NOT to believe already!!! and they've turned to other things to believe in.
1 Tim. 4:1 Some will depart..... There is a false church being raised up side by side with the real church called BABYLON......
There is 3 ways to know how to spot this happening, three deceptions we can look for...

#1. Jesus is not the only way to experience salvation, and peace.....
John 14:6 I am the way, truth, and life. NO ONE comes but by me.....

#2. There are NO MORAL ABSOLUTES.... my brothers and I were talking about this yesterday... you can make it seem ok to do about anything!!!!! Compromise- you can live any way you want.....

#3. Counterfeit Justice Movement...
Did you know Satan feeds the poor? as long as it teaches the wrong way- not ONLY Jesus. Peace, and Unity-good works... but NOT Salvation by Jesus, End terrorism, and financial problems by a one world religion... ect

Luke 17:26 says.... As it was in the days of Noah- it will be... drinking, eating, marriage. They ate, drank, bought, sold, planted and built in the day when Jesus comes. Clearly life will be going on just like normal on the day when Jesus returns!! Are we ready? 2 Peter 3:10-14 He will come like a thief in the night...
You will be persecuted for standing for what is right or wrong... For standing for the word. Maybe even killed.... Its getting harder and harder to say "this is wrong" about anything.
We ought to walk in truth, and godliness, be witnesses, and be in prayer. Be diligent to be found by Jesus- IN PEACE, with out spot, and blameless. Have your heart right, your spirit right b4 Jesus... Holiness= full of things that are Holy.....
When we walk in sin... it hinders us.... if you get convicted by the Holy Spirit of something, ask for forgiveness-and turn...if you fail to ask forgiveness for those little things... you being a child of the king already?? God has got it covered... relax, and if He does show you something- TAKE IT to Him right away! Luke 9:62 Don't let your hearts get attached to anything that keeps pulling you off track....
Its not easy being a christian! B4 I got saved I could numb myself with beer, and just keep the party going.. now it matters what I do, NOW I gotta love ppl who are difficult- show kindness to ppl who aren't kind to me! Hebrews 10:30-34 Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, he may not punish ppl who are mean to me like I think he should, but GOD will judge His ppl-maybe not with ANGER and WRATH. Know this tho, with God, you can't be a hypocrite and get away with it....I gotta stand up, believe, fight the devil. Its so worth it! God has given us everything we need already to do this!
Everything here will be burnt up..... Don't worry about your goods! If the Govornment takes it all.... so what?? Enjoy the gifts that He HAS given- but don't love them-they could be gone tomorrow. Are you more Holy if you lose everything?? NO, but maybe more uncomfortable :). Its not mine, its his. As am I.
Luke 17:33-? Whoever tries to save thier life, will lose it.
If you are born again... You LOVE God, no one will doubt that You WANT to please God. You want to be like Him-You have a new heart, to treat others how HE wants you to.... v. 37 EAGLES- I am an Eagle. I'm gonna fly away-by HIS grace!

Song of Love

I sing a simple song of love
to my saviour, to my Jesus
I'm thankful for the things you've done
my loving savour, my precious Jesus
my heart is glad, that you've called me your own
cuz there's no place I'd rather be
than in your arms of love, in your arms of love
Holding me still
Holding me near
in your arms of love...

kutless

Lunch at the One Room School

Today I went to a small one room Amish school house... it was so neat, so small, only a handful of children, the teachers were not much older than the students there! My friend and I walked in, the children were all at thier desks having lunch, so we parked ourselves in the back, on a handmade wooden bench, the students were eating silently, the little ones shyly peeking back at us, wondering what we were doing there, but too shy to talk. One little girl had a baggie of cheetos, she was determined to share with each and every teacher, and schoolmate there, we watched as she made her way from person to person handing two or three of them to each person. When she reached the one teacher, the teacher reached into her lunch pail, and pulled out a homemade granola bar, she asked her, do you like granola bars? when the little girl nodded, she gave her the bar. I watched her go back to her seat, and begin to eat the chocolate chips that had fallen off the granola bar in the baggie, a minute later I was wondering what she was doing, cuz she place the whole granola bar back into the baggie. Then I noticed... all the tiny chocolate bits were gone off the top... lol she had eaten every bit of chocolate! and left the actual granola part! lol. Soon everyone finished eating, and one by one they drifted outdoors.... my guess to play games, in the bitter winter wind. One of the teachers commented to us after the kids had gone outside.... well!!! I'd say that was the quietest lunch we've EVER had!

Thru the Storm

There is a beautiful building
Set in the hills
with the evening sun
glowing on the sills

Tomorrow it comes
A tempest so strong
The wind is pulling, tearing
Threatening, to carry it along...

But the wind, it buffets
The wind, it screams
How can this place withstand
The pressures, at the seams?

I am a part of this glorious work
My part seems so small, but there I was placed
By the designer, who knew too well...
The struggles thru time, this shelter would face

Can I hold fast, to do my part?
Hold tight tho winds do rage?
Will I fight the angry forces?
till morning-till the end of this age?

I will do this, I will be strong,
I will wait, upon Him, with a song
He made me, He placed me here
With a real purpose, all along....

I am confident, in my soul,
By His grace, His strong right hand
This beautiful thing
That He's started-will stand

This building tomorrow will be
No worse for the wear
The Maker knew what He was doing
As He placed each of us here

With joy, the morning will dawn
Again on this building, the sun will rise
The fear, the confusion will fade
With the coming again, of clear blue skys

Unto you, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defense, and the God of my mercy...
PS 59:17

Hear my cry O God; attend unto my prayer, from the ends of the earth, will I cry unto you, when my heart is overwhelmed.... lead me to the rock, that is higher than I....For you have been a shelter for me, and a strong tower, from the enemy... PS 61:1-3

Oh God, you are my God; early will I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is..... PS 63:1

Abrupt Awakening

Around & around so fast
Spinning, twirling, I gasp
I can't seem to catch my breath,
My heart is beating, racing
The world is tilting, swaying....

What have I done?
Have I given everything again?
for something so small, so worthless...
Only pain.....in the end?

My heart is shaken....
Afraid.... I fall to my face
God please.. I don't understand.....
I need your forgiveness- your grace

All I can do is cry out-oh God...
Once again I've proven I am nothing,
When I thought things were in order...
You show me again, you are everything

I need you, Lord.....
Come, calm my spirit....
Help me to rest...
Help me to trust...
Help me to know....
You'll work things out
For the best.....

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts from Ana and I, on a monday night at the coffee shop.....

a-line skirts are just a loopy thought when it comes to the tiny slit that both our mama's despised with a passion when boys were around. So why not just wear a mini? Take away the "hide & seek" ... get rid of the despised slit. Thats the solution! Cut it off.... :) Lets all just be cheerleader types :) and do a bunch of high kicks, pick up missy, and throw her in the air! to land in a pile of cheese...??? while the football team plays in the mud and the crowd eats caramel corn beneath umbrellas made of paper mache and duct tape....which kind of... droops in the rain....while the dye makes a colorful mess of the caramel corn eating crowd, and turns the puddles to rainbows....

OK, don't make any sense, but it was fun :)

Abrupt Awakening

The feilds are so empty

The air so cold
The horizon is filling

With the fogs of old

As the sun goes down
I feel my heart struggle to rise
Fighting to break free from spilling the tears
That hover silently in my eyes

I know I'll always have
So much for which to thank Him
Yet sometimes somehow loneliness
At times just seems to break in

Lord please help me learn to fly
Above the fog that sits below the sun
Please strengthen my wings to soar
From the past through which I've come

Please renew my mind each day
Helping me understand your ways
Teach me Lord to be just like you
To seek your will in my life... Always

Me

Fill me

Lord, please empty me of me, please fill me with you, so that for the rest of my life I can give more of you to those you loved first, and then gave to me to love too....... IJN Amen

One Day At A Time...I cannot change my yesterdays, the things I have done. For those days are behind me, a new day has begun. I cannot live tomorrow, a captive of my fears. I will face those future challenges, when that day is here. So I have made the choice today to be the best that I can be. I will ask the Lord to guide my steps, and give me victory. And I know that He will answer, true contentment I will find, as He gives me strength and courage, one day at a time....
Judith Bulock Morse

Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?