Today.. a year ago, when I was 26, and I knew that something was changing in my life. At this time we were sitting in the lobby of the hotel, talking about dreams, and things that would come in life, did we agree on things, and our family histories, anything, and everything we felt like talking about. Life was exciting, I was seeing tomorrow thru different eyes. Little did I know that one of the hardest years of my life was about to start. All I knew.... was here, and now, I was being looked at with beautiful blue eyes that admired me, and seemed to care. I was wanted. At this time a year ago, a wonderful young man reached over and took my hand with questions in his eyes. I was so afraid, and so excited at the same time. I had never held a young man's hand before, in my life. A year ago tomorrow, I was told by a young man, for the first time in my life that I was loved. I had to stop, and take a deep breath.. did I dare answer back? I'd never before told a man that I loved him.. not in this way....To say that I love someone is making a commitment.. was I ready for that commitment? To say that you love someone is not only for today, and tomorrow.. it should be for the rest of your life..... What choice should I make? Should I wait? Tell him I wasnt ready? But I felt a certainty.. I knew.. this was the first man I've ever felt that I could live life with, we connected in a special way, what we had seemed so different than I had ever experienced with any other person. I felt comfortable, protected with this young man... never before had I had this with a man...Yes.... I decided.. I am ready, and I replied, "I love you too hun..."
Today, on my way to work I was remembering.. yes, I remember everything like it was yesterday, it seems no time has passed when I look back, I still remember the details of the room we were in, the way he looked at me, the ppl who came and went in the Lobby, and the clock that was on the wall across from us, its hands moving much too fast for my opinion, soon he would have to leave, and I didnt know when I would be able to see him again. I didnt want to leave... I felt I had waited 26 1/2 years for this moment. I'd never known what "Chemistry" meant until this evening. I thought I might never breath again, but I didnt care.
Sometimes I am tempted to feel so alone now, that things didn't work out between the two of us, and I don't see anything happening in the near future...but lately I have been realizing....
Today, now, I have a choice, that same choice I had a year ago.. to love.. or not to love. To surrender my heart every day to the most persistent and caring man I have ever met. Several times today I have whispered I love you to this man. A year ago I shed tears of Joy, someone loved me! I knew I loved someone, and that I was free to love now... Today I shed tears of Joy, I am loved, I do not doubt it as I lift my eyes, and look into the face of Jesus, raise my hands and dance for Him. I know that he really does love me, that he has taken care of me from the time I was a tiny child, until this very moment. That he will never leave me. I know I love this man, that if I never have the love of another, I will be content, for he fills my heart to overflowing with His love, and I am free to love.
