Strengthen me to Stand against the Enemy!

I was reading in The Power of a Praying Woman about spiritual warfare. I want to put this on here, cuz it seems that this happens to so many women especially.

The Devil will attempt to make you believe you deserve every bad thing that happens to you. But deserving is not the issue with God. We didn't deserve to have Jesus die for us. Yet He did. The point is not whether we deserve the things the devil throws our way. The point is Jesus died so we don't have to experience them.

There is so much more to this!!! But this really stuck out to me. If you haven't read this or one of the Power of Prayer books.... Please do it!! It has helped me tremendously!!!

Just Remnants, but Stronger!!!

Its done. He's gone. I don't think he's ever coming back. Its almost as if he never was. Only memories remain, only good memories, that make me smile still! There is a few scraps of Boston Red Sox material stuffed into a plastic bag, with the New England Patriots remnants. Its alittle like my heart. Its so hard sometimes, but I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I am happy. He came, I loved, he left, He's gone. For now or forever?? Only God knows! This I don't have to worry about any more. My heart will never be the same, but God has all the pieces. He knows how to, and he is putting it back together, stronger this time. The Lord loves me, He's taking care of me. He has held me together when I was sure I would break. Today the Storm has passed, and I will cling to The One who will always be there, has promised never to leave me, and I know he never will.

The future? I'm not sure. God only knows whether I will be allowed to freely love this man again, or another some day. Either way I will trust, I will rest in Him, in His strong loving arms. I will let Him be THE ONE who loves on me. I don't want to hope for another besides Him, cuz He is truly enough for me. He loves me, just like I am. He comes to me when I call. He holds me when I cry. He walks beside me delighting in me when I'm happy. He laughs at me when I'm teasing my family. He listens and loves me when I share my deepest hurts and secrets. He never forgets about me when He's doing other things. He gives me sweet surprises and gifts throughout the day, so I know He loves me. He lets me yell and vent my feelings then holds me as I cry myself to sleep. He doesn't get angry when I do this, but stays near until I am ready to listen to what He has to say to me. He always straightens out my messes. He fills my heart to overflowing with His joy. He even stays close, and makes me feel better when I'm sicker than a dog! and.... He always holds my hand just because.... Thank you Lord for being there for me, being my everything. I love you!

New

Today....He is doing something new.

I don't have to cry any more!
He has wiped away my tears,
and filled my heart with gladness
Today I will rejoice in Him
And praise Him for all
He has done.

Dead

Written on January 26, 2009

My heart is dead. No more
poems come to me, the songs are
silent. Thats me, right now.
Help me G0d.

Happy

Happy... just wanna be happy again....
Lord please give me your joy?
Please help me live???
Help me forget?????
Just be me again?
No more tears,
When no
one
is
looking????? Please?

Thankyou, I love you Lord.

Home

Yes... I'm home now. Exhausted to the bone, but home. Can't wait to be caught up on sleep again. We drove thru the night, stopped in Indy to see a friend for a couple hours, and then we kept on comin home. So happy to not be in the car any more. Well..... all for now, gonna go pay bills, then hit the hay!

I wrote this on the way home from florida....

Buzz, buzz, buzz
Caffeine in my brain
caffeine in my blood
Buzz buzz buzz
Everything movin so fast
fingers shakin, mind racin
Buzz buzz buzz
everything is funny,
And its all cuz of the coffee!!!

We got to lay out in the sun today!! It was chilly, but Ana and I found a spot that was warm, with not too much wind. Felt soooo wonderful!! I thank the Lord for this special time we've had with Him... Its been more than I could ever have asked for. He is so good. Until later... Me

Never let go

So went to the beach today! was real chilly, but truly enjoyed the sunshine! God is doing an amazing work in my heart. Teaching me to trust Him. I just cry out to him.. please keep teaching me... even tho it hurts so much, keep working on me, never let go of me, whatever it takes. I want to be all yours Lord.

Zephyrhills

We are sitting at the Soleil Cafe, watching soap operas, looking out the windows at the sweetest drizzly gray day, listening to oldies music. Might try the hydro massage capsule in a bit. Just had the best White Chocolate, Caramel Latte in the world. So relaxing . Not far away we were locked out of My Grandparents trailer, they had left thinking we were at the beach when the whole morning we were sitting at Walmart tire and lube waiting for an hour long service that took two. So we came over here. So glad we did. I love coffee shops. The lady here is so sweet, might have been just like someone who would be working at the Main St. Coffee house at home. Its the perfect lazy day, maybe soon go back to Gma and Gpas and take a nap, help with supper, and watch girlie movies with gma. Hopefully go over to McDonalds tonight to see our fav. Zephyrhillan McDonalds ppl. I love it here.. Zephyrhills... So peaceful.

Space....

Space....

What is it??

Where is the line??

Is it different for every one??

Does the line change- one day to the next?

Is it only the inches between us?

Or the distance between our hearts?

Space....

I don't like it,

When it means....

Farther from you.

MCDONALDS

I baptized my pen in coffee
It peed on me
No stirrers- McDonalds doesn't like me
But I like McDonalds-this one
Beacon in the night
Booths
Nooks and crannies
Bright lights
Crazy ppl
Big Golden Arches
Crispy Chicken wraps
Internet

Nasty Coffee

Some things I love....

1. Making things with my hands
2. Cooking, and baking
3. Driving thru Chatanooga at night
4. Carmel Lattes
5. Coffee houses
6. Music
7. Girly Movies
8. Friends
9. Children
10. Cozy sweatshirts
11. Blue, and pink
12. Live in the mountains
13. Giving massages to ppl I love
14. Having someone to love
15. Holding my boyfriends hand
16. Hugs
17. My blue old navy sweatpants
18. Clean hair
19. Organized, clean counters and tables
20. New notebooks
21. A nice pen
22. Walking on the beach looking for shells
23. How I feel after sunbathing
24. Beautiful Vistas
25. Playing my music loud and singing along
26. Playing fun pranks on ppl I love.
27. The Boathouse restaurant
28 Fall
29. Campfires and Fireplaces
30. Camping
31. Trying to learn to play almost any instrument I can get my hands on
32. Watching a good man, playing with children
33. When my Dad smiles at me, or gives me a hug
34. The sound of the road under my tires.
35. Sunshine
36. A warm Drizzly day
37. The smell of my Dad when he comes in after working with wood all day
38. "Treasures" found by spending time in the word
39. When I hear God speak to me, and I obey
40. Making Cheesecake.. any kind
41. When ppl play with my hair
42. Clean sheets
43. Freshly washed laundry coming out of the dryer
44. Cuddling
45. Making ppl smile when they seem down
46. Laughing so hard that I cry, and it hurts
47. Hot Chicken rice soup from American Table, or The Boathouse
48. Jewelry that has meaning
49. When my mom laughs
50. Teasing my siblings
51. When my brothers pick on me and make me laugh
52. Hearing people I love tell the stories from thier past
53. Making things for ppl I love
54. Looking at pictures that Bret has taken
55. Watching different ppl work
56. Special coffee cups
57. Facebook

Florida

Hi.. I am now in the sunny state of florida!! It is very lovely temperature. We just arrived about 10:00 pm. We are at our fav McDonalds, where they offer internet access. I put in my unemployment claim. I am so exhausted only had about 3 hours sleep in the last couple days. So glad to be here, now for the rest, and seeking Gods face, his will and plan in my life. God be near me. I need you so much right now. I don't understand some things... why some things are the way they are... want so much to go back to the middle of last november right now. Maybe just stay there forever. Well, thats all for now.. until later...

Thank You

Thank you God
For this peace...
I've needed so long

Thank you God
for restoring your joy
Deep in my soul

Thank you for loving me
thru times when I'm the worst

Thank you for helping me
find understanding from the confusion

Thank you for being
my all... my everything

Just Friends

Laying here, I wonder
My heart contemplates
What you are asking for..

How do I just be your friend?
When I long
to hear you say again
I love you, Sarah

How do I just be a friend..
say hello, whats up?
When my heart is crying
I love you hon, I miss you

How do I turn them off?
The thoughts, the memories
When all I remember
is how you've loved me?

How do I just be your friend?
when I long only for you
to take me
In your arms again

Please tell me how...
I don't know how
to just be your friend
I will try
to cover my heart
to hide my desire
ignore and pretend

I will hope
that soon you'll come
uncover my heart
and set me free again

More than enough

You are my supply, my breath of life,
still more awesome than I know
You are my reward, worth living for
still more awesome than I know

Chorus...
Cuz all of you, is more than enough for
all of me, for every thirst and
every need, you satisfy me
with your love.. and all I have in you
Is more than enough

You're my sacrifice, of greatest price
still more awesome than I know
You're my coming king, my everything
Still more awesome than I know

Chorus

Lord please help me remember this...

Peace...be still.

..And Jesus spoke to the

wind...

and to the waves..

and He said...

"Peace...be still"

Where do I go?? What do I do??

Where do I go?
What do I do?
Should I still try
to reach out to you?

Or do I let go-
let myself die
Kill the love
I still have inside?

I don't want to forget...
Cuz then I was the happiest
that I have ever, ever been
When I had you, my lover, my friend

Forget all the joy you brought me?
all the moments we shared?
All the peace that you gave me
When I knew that you cared?

I don't want to go back
to how I was before
you swept into my life
and carried me out the door

Before you opened up my world
to love I'd never dreamed of,
Opened my eyes
to beautiful things so sweet,
unwittingly tempted me
with joys that I'd never tasted

My heart says to stay,
to trust, and believe.
that the love that you gave me
is still what you said it would be

But was it all lies?
the longer that I do
Each time you pull away from me
my heart breaks in two

For now I am just trying
to get thru today alive
trusting Him, and just hiding
waiting for a sign

Of where do I go??
and what do I do??
meanwhile...with all my heart
I'm still loving YOU

Lord, please let me keep trusting and believing
if there is still a real hope...
thats what I desire to do
But please show me somehow
if I'm wasting my prayers and tears too....

The Place

I'm there, ppl all around me
life is moving by me
Yet time is standing still

People talking and laughing
I hear them, I see them
But so far away.
I am in my own little world

That place where no one can go,
no one else can feel
the fears, the hurts,
the tears, and the pain

When the door starts to open
Tears start to flow
I run to my hiding place
Where no one will know

When the door again shuts
I wipe the tears
try my best not to show
that inside it feels like I'm dying

I hate this place, I hate to come here,
but even more I hate
letting others see
what this is doing to me

I don't know... I know

i don't know what to think any more, or what to believe, or hope for. about us. I hope that you care.. the same way you did b4.... and that you are truly hoping to work things out in time.... on the other hand I always thought, the only reason you loved me was cuz you didn't know me... You know..the same thoughts that kept me from falling for you so fast in the beginning.... well, as fast... cuz I think you fell faster. Who knows.... lol

I don't know if you meant it all the times you told me you loved me. I don't know that you didnt just put for now at the end of just be friends when you broke up with me, cuz you don't really love me any more, but don't want to hurt me. I don't know if you meant it when you cried to me b4 saying goodbye for a month.. Sarah, please don't hate me. I don't know if the only reason you won't answer my calls isnt because you don't ever want to hear my voice again. I don't know if the real reasons you took the month off wasnt just to get away from me. I don't know if you really meant it when you said maybe about getting back together some time.

I know that I meant it when I told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I know that I'm praying you want to work things out as much as I do, but if you don't...please just tell me.
I know that I can be just friends FOR NOW if you want me to.. but I can't just be your friend forever. If you didn't really mean that...please tell me.
I know that once my heart hits drive there is no stopping it, it can slow down, but it just can't seem to find reverse.
I know that as long as I know you really love me I am more than willing to wait for you to do what you need to do. But if you don't... please tell me.
I know that when I said I wanted you, it was for always, But if you didnt really mean it when you said it to me.... please tell me.
I know that I'm sorry to have to say this, but if You don't really love me the way you said you did... please tell me if this is the case, cuz its hard to just be your friend right now if there is absolutely no hope for the future with you.
I know that I need to hear these things from your lips, the lips that I now love, bcuz you gave them to me ....
I know that I need to hear these things from your heart, the heart that I now love, becuz you gave it to me....

Back of my heart

Strong on the outside, but comin apart at the seams.... Thats me
Tragicallly always together, but bruised underneath.....Thats me
I stand, just to stumble, trippin on my pride,
why do I always try to hide?

Meanwhile back of my heart,
I'm desperate for all that you are.
Undo me. Take me apart.
meanwhile back of my soul,
Mend me Lord, please make me whole
You know just where to start
Back of my heart.....

Patiently waiting to pick of the pieces of me.......... Thats you
Healer of hearts when the world leaves it broken in two....... Thats you
Maker of heaven, sky and the sea
You stretched out your arms
You reached for me...

Chorus

Back of my pain, Back of my brokenness
Lord meet me here, and tho I'm exposed
I'm not afraid any more....

Chorus

Natalie Grant, Back of my heart

Why?

I want to scream at you,
yell at you,
Tell you WHY??
I don't understand!
I want to hit you, pound you
Take out my frustration on you,
Collapse crying against you.

You came into my life like a whirlwind
Unexpected.
You pulled me in
With your uncontainable affection and love,
Made me fall for you, made me love you.

You told me things,
Promised me your world,
Built for me all your dreams
In my mind I still see them
Your dreams became mine

Now where did you go?
I reach for you
The comfort you bring
The arms that sheltered me
When storms raged by

I see you far away
sense you there
but not here
The distance is too far.
You've pulled away too far.

I am now left with this love
that you've awoken...
The whirlwind is gone.
Now I have nothing.
Except a heart that is broken....
and a promise of someday, maybe

Break Up

Hello.... I am tired, I really don't feel like blogging when I am going thru a hard time, Things hurt, don't like to bring them up. My best friend says I need to tho. What to say?? Started talking to a wonderful young man I had met online, we met, and it was so awesome, He was a christian, nearly everything I had ever dreamed of. He's such a fun person to be around, and most of our core beliefs are the same.... And he loved me... He loved me so much, so much that I couldn't believe it. I had never been in a relationship with a guy b4, so it was all new to me. I was so happy, never been happier... then we decided to take a break, for a good reason, I believe... Now He has told me that we don't believe close enough on a certain subject, and I guess he believes we aren't supposed to work it out... I am struggling to understand why we can't. Wondering if he really loved me like he said he did. I have never told a man I loved him... b4 him... And I took it seriously when I did tell him that... like I was ready to tell him that my whole life serious. I just know that right now I feel like my whole world has crumbled around me, the hopes and dreams that we had built together, all gone, in one conversation online. By the decision of one person. My heart is crying out... God, please hold me up, I am so weak right now, I need you Lord. Please hold me, put your arms around me, help me to rest in you. Help me to trust. It hurts. I've never hurt to this extent b4. Be with me Lord.... break this blow, please numb the sting, so that I can make it thru, yet make me a better person still. IJN Amen

Struggle with what to believe

Y This last week has been the most emotionally stressful, and confusing week of my entire lifetime! Pondering the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues.. listening to every ones opinions, wondering which is closest to the truth, and wondering if you come up with the wrong thing if someone very important to you is gonna say goodbye. Hmmmm if I ever get stuck again making things so hard, somebody please slap me! It may hurt for a second, but not like being so screwed up did! lol.

So I just opened my Bible to Acts yesterday... I told the Lord... God, I need you... please open my eyes, please remove this confusion from me!!! I just read... and read... and read. When I finished it was like... DUDE!! I got SO confused, and its all just so simple! What it says here, is only whats important to God.. not HOW you recieve, WHEN you recieve, not What your doing at the time you recieve... just so simple... just read it, and take it for what it says! If it doesnt say it... its not there! and it may be how someone else sees something, but I don't see too many rules in the Bible about this :). How awesome! Wow, what peace... Thank God for helpin me out with this. Y