Sunday, August 23, 2009

An old letter...

I was living, learning, and growing, but something happened when you loved me. It was as if i had been sleeping before, and when you started loving me, I woke up. I started noticing things more. I was able to love others easier, life began to mean more. I could laugh again like I had when I was a child. My world wasnt just my world any more, but a place where I thrived, and flourished, cuz of you.
Then you went away.
You took my heart away with you. I don't know if I'll ever have one again. I just cry. The tears, they rain down, even on a sunny day. Cuz even tho the sun is shining, I miss you. I wish you were here, sharing it with me. I feel dead again. Like the dead leaves at the end of winter, only now, its worse than before, cuz before i'd never awoken. I didn't know what it meant to love. Now I can remember, and I look back with longing on the times when I coud love you, and you loved me.
Now I sleep all the time, and if I'm not sleeping I wish I was sleeping. when I wake up, sometimes I think I need my friends, something, anything to help cheer me up, but it makes me more sad still, cuz every one has thier loves, thier babies, thier sweet little families. They are alive. I am just me. Here. Trying not to be sad, don't want them to be sad for me, but they know.... I don't laugh, I try to, its sounds so fake to me. I don't chatter on and on, and join in the fun like before. I try to... Its just not the same, cuz my heart is gone. Its there, with you. Where you hold it in your hands. I try to take it back, to pull it back, say you can't have this any more, but even then, it starts to break even more, and I stop. Bewildered, hurting, and just walk away. I don't want it back either. I want you to have it. I want you to love it. What can I say? What can I do? Without my heart? Yours Always

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