Desires

Lord, I'm sorry for not being content, for not just waiting for you to move. Now there has arisen just so many things that my heart desires, and selfishly I see my life is passing, not knowing your timing I become scared that you might move too late. Lord, I know that right now all I must want is you. I thought I was doing so well, I have been so happy, active, just sparkling in my life, then I made one choice, ignored your voice once.... and here I am again, close to the bottom, I feel so weak Lord, I need your hand to reach down for mine, please pull me back out of this place, and let me fly again? I feel I can't even reach up to you, my hands are too heavy right now Lord. I hear your voice calling me near to you, but my eyes are downcast. Lord, I'm sorry, I didn't know why you were telling me not to go... I knew I heard it, but I kept thinking.. WHY in the world would I not be able to go??? My intentions weren't in the wrong place. Until I came home, and I realized, I have just ruined any chances I had for my dreams to come true. Please forgive me Lord, for not listening to you? Please Lord be patient with me, teach me again the lesson I haven't yet learned... IJN Amen