Warfare

Today I woke up, it seemed the same as any other day, but from the moment I stepped out of my little apartment, it has been a spiritual battle! I went to my parents, my dad has been really sick with a fever of 103, sometimes 104. Bad.... not good... especially with it being over a week since it started. He had gone to the doctor, he said just let it run its course, its a virus.. tonight he was still sick. I pulled out all those old old, Christ for the Nation worship tapes, the ones that were made in 1980, 82, and 83, and put them on to play, it broke my heart as my dad was trying to sing along with them, even as he was suffering, but I knew.. remembering many times b4 when we had been sick as children, or when he used to get those migraine headaches really often... My mom would play them.. over and over and over.. and somehow... b4 dawn broke, fevers had dissapated, and headaches left, stomach flu's gone...I knew that he needed the strength, and that the praise would help him to stand strong... so I played them.. one after the other, until he was up, his eyes had cleared, and he was smiling, watching my lil sister and I singing "I will sing.. I will dance" and dance around the living room. I rubbed his back, until I thought my hands would fall off. I told my friends to please pray. He is going to be better... He cannot keep going with a fever like that much longer.

Before I even left for work tonight I was getting texts saying we have some girls talking about running, its gonna be a crzy night... so I started praying, rebuking the devil, confessing peace on this household... when I got here, every single girl was out, like a baby. No sign of runaways tonight. Praise Jesus!!

I have been struggling to get back to him... been feeling so far from him, but tonight, I have seen him faithful, and I am excited to find out tomorrow, how my dad is doing when I get home.. I am expecting great things!!!

Love....

I give up.. I really don't get love.... It is the thing that can pull you up to the highest heights on the worst day ever, but it is the thing that can make this day..... the worst day ever. Dear friends who have, recieve, and give love. Make this day lovely for the one who loves you!!! :D.

What in the...???

How do you do that? When the world seems like its gonna drown me, just one wink, you make my heart wanna fly, and the sparkle come back to my eyes...

An old letter...

I was living, learning, and growing, but something happened when you loved me. It was as if i had been sleeping before, and when you started loving me, I woke up. I started noticing things more. I was able to love others easier, life began to mean more. I could laugh again like I had when I was a child. My world wasnt just my world any more, but a place where I thrived, and flourished, cuz of you.
Then you went away.
You took my heart away with you. I don't know if I'll ever have one again. I just cry. The tears, they rain down, even on a sunny day. Cuz even tho the sun is shining, I miss you. I wish you were here, sharing it with me. I feel dead again. Like the dead leaves at the end of winter, only now, its worse than before, cuz before i'd never awoken. I didn't know what it meant to love. Now I can remember, and I look back with longing on the times when I coud love you, and you loved me.
Now I sleep all the time, and if I'm not sleeping I wish I was sleeping. when I wake up, sometimes I think I need my friends, something, anything to help cheer me up, but it makes me more sad still, cuz every one has thier loves, thier babies, thier sweet little families. They are alive. I am just me. Here. Trying not to be sad, don't want them to be sad for me, but they know.... I don't laugh, I try to, its sounds so fake to me. I don't chatter on and on, and join in the fun like before. I try to... Its just not the same, cuz my heart is gone. Its there, with you. Where you hold it in your hands. I try to take it back, to pull it back, say you can't have this any more, but even then, it starts to break even more, and I stop. Bewildered, hurting, and just walk away. I don't want it back either. I want you to have it. I want you to love it. What can I say? What can I do? Without my heart? Yours Always

Free

FREE!!!

to fly again!!!!


If the son has set you free,

you shall be free indeed!!

Staying awake on thirds

Walking around the office, working away, I glance over every few minutes hoping to see, the bright orange of the yahoo box, saying someone is talkin to me, or the little red flag go up on facebook, someone is thinking of me!! :D I love chatting, and I thank the Lord every night when there is ppl online to help me stay awake in the wee hours of the morning!!

I give up....

Encouragement

Is. 43:1-3a

But now this says the lord who created you o jacob, and he who formed you o israel

fear not for i have redeemed you

i have called you by YOUR name

YOU are MINE

when you pass through the waters

I will be with you

and through the rivers,

they shall not overflow you

when you walk through the fire

you shall not be burned

nor shall the flame scorch you

for I am the Lord your God

The Holy one of Israel,

your Savior

Desires

Lord, I'm sorry for not being content, for not just waiting for you to move. Now there has arisen just so many things that my heart desires, and selfishly I see my life is passing, not knowing your timing I become scared that you might move too late. Lord, I know that right now all I must want is you. I thought I was doing so well, I have been so happy, active, just sparkling in my life, then I made one choice, ignored your voice once.... and here I am again, close to the bottom, I feel so weak Lord, I need your hand to reach down for mine, please pull me back out of this place, and let me fly again? I feel I can't even reach up to you, my hands are too heavy right now Lord. I hear your voice calling me near to you, but my eyes are downcast. Lord, I'm sorry, I didn't know why you were telling me not to go... I knew I heard it, but I kept thinking.. WHY in the world would I not be able to go??? My intentions weren't in the wrong place. Until I came home, and I realized, I have just ruined any chances I had for my dreams to come true. Please forgive me Lord, for not listening to you? Please Lord be patient with me, teach me again the lesson I haven't yet learned... IJN Amen

Alexandria

Here at Ana's!! I love it, the quaint little shops, sweet old buildings and friendly people. All the homeless ppl playing thier music on the shore front really makes for the flavor of the community here! Sittin on the dock by the Potomac watching the "fish" float by, and trying to snap pictures of the lights across the water at night without the tripod. Eating ice cream on the way to the waterfront from the little ice cream parlor at midnight on the cobblestone streets over grown with green stuff. Having a wedge salad, playing music, chatting on facebook, doing a crazy fun work out video with Ana, reading Pickled, talking bout the Lord, and life, in Ana's cute little apartment, and doing laundry in the dark dungeon down underneath with the old christmas tree ornaments...:).....