Where do I go?? What do I do??

Where do I go?
What do I do?
Should I still try
to reach out to you?

Or do I let go-
let myself die
Kill the love
I still have inside?

I don't want to forget...
Cuz then I was the happiest
that I have ever, ever been
When I had you, my lover, my friend

Forget all the joy you brought me?
all the moments we shared?
All the peace that you gave me
When I knew that you cared?

I don't want to go back
to how I was before
you swept into my life
and carried me out the door

Before you opened up my world
to love I'd never dreamed of,
Opened my eyes
to beautiful things so sweet,
unwittingly tempted me
with joys that I'd never tasted

My heart says to stay,
to trust, and believe.
that the love that you gave me
is still what you said it would be

But was it all lies?
the longer that I do
Each time you pull away from me
my heart breaks in two

For now I am just trying
to get thru today alive
trusting Him, and just hiding
waiting for a sign

Of where do I go??
and what do I do??
meanwhile...with all my heart
I'm still loving YOU

Lord, please let me keep trusting and believing
if there is still a real hope...
thats what I desire to do
But please show me somehow
if I'm wasting my prayers and tears too....

The Place

I'm there, ppl all around me
life is moving by me
Yet time is standing still

People talking and laughing
I hear them, I see them
But so far away.
I am in my own little world

That place where no one can go,
no one else can feel
the fears, the hurts,
the tears, and the pain

When the door starts to open
Tears start to flow
I run to my hiding place
Where no one will know

When the door again shuts
I wipe the tears
try my best not to show
that inside it feels like I'm dying

I hate this place, I hate to come here,
but even more I hate
letting others see
what this is doing to me

I don't know... I know

i don't know what to think any more, or what to believe, or hope for. about us. I hope that you care.. the same way you did b4.... and that you are truly hoping to work things out in time.... on the other hand I always thought, the only reason you loved me was cuz you didn't know me... You know..the same thoughts that kept me from falling for you so fast in the beginning.... well, as fast... cuz I think you fell faster. Who knows.... lol

I don't know if you meant it all the times you told me you loved me. I don't know that you didnt just put for now at the end of just be friends when you broke up with me, cuz you don't really love me any more, but don't want to hurt me. I don't know if you meant it when you cried to me b4 saying goodbye for a month.. Sarah, please don't hate me. I don't know if the only reason you won't answer my calls isnt because you don't ever want to hear my voice again. I don't know if the real reasons you took the month off wasnt just to get away from me. I don't know if you really meant it when you said maybe about getting back together some time.

I know that I meant it when I told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I know that I'm praying you want to work things out as much as I do, but if you don't...please just tell me.
I know that I can be just friends FOR NOW if you want me to.. but I can't just be your friend forever. If you didn't really mean that...please tell me.
I know that once my heart hits drive there is no stopping it, it can slow down, but it just can't seem to find reverse.
I know that as long as I know you really love me I am more than willing to wait for you to do what you need to do. But if you don't... please tell me.
I know that when I said I wanted you, it was for always, But if you didnt really mean it when you said it to me.... please tell me.
I know that I'm sorry to have to say this, but if You don't really love me the way you said you did... please tell me if this is the case, cuz its hard to just be your friend right now if there is absolutely no hope for the future with you.
I know that I need to hear these things from your lips, the lips that I now love, bcuz you gave them to me ....
I know that I need to hear these things from your heart, the heart that I now love, becuz you gave it to me....

Back of my heart

Strong on the outside, but comin apart at the seams.... Thats me
Tragicallly always together, but bruised underneath.....Thats me
I stand, just to stumble, trippin on my pride,
why do I always try to hide?

Meanwhile back of my heart,
I'm desperate for all that you are.
Undo me. Take me apart.
meanwhile back of my soul,
Mend me Lord, please make me whole
You know just where to start
Back of my heart.....

Patiently waiting to pick of the pieces of me.......... Thats you
Healer of hearts when the world leaves it broken in two....... Thats you
Maker of heaven, sky and the sea
You stretched out your arms
You reached for me...

Chorus

Back of my pain, Back of my brokenness
Lord meet me here, and tho I'm exposed
I'm not afraid any more....

Chorus

Natalie Grant, Back of my heart

Why?

I want to scream at you,
yell at you,
Tell you WHY??
I don't understand!
I want to hit you, pound you
Take out my frustration on you,
Collapse crying against you.

You came into my life like a whirlwind
Unexpected.
You pulled me in
With your uncontainable affection and love,
Made me fall for you, made me love you.

You told me things,
Promised me your world,
Built for me all your dreams
In my mind I still see them
Your dreams became mine

Now where did you go?
I reach for you
The comfort you bring
The arms that sheltered me
When storms raged by

I see you far away
sense you there
but not here
The distance is too far.
You've pulled away too far.

I am now left with this love
that you've awoken...
The whirlwind is gone.
Now I have nothing.
Except a heart that is broken....
and a promise of someday, maybe

Break Up

Hello.... I am tired, I really don't feel like blogging when I am going thru a hard time, Things hurt, don't like to bring them up. My best friend says I need to tho. What to say?? Started talking to a wonderful young man I had met online, we met, and it was so awesome, He was a christian, nearly everything I had ever dreamed of. He's such a fun person to be around, and most of our core beliefs are the same.... And he loved me... He loved me so much, so much that I couldn't believe it. I had never been in a relationship with a guy b4, so it was all new to me. I was so happy, never been happier... then we decided to take a break, for a good reason, I believe... Now He has told me that we don't believe close enough on a certain subject, and I guess he believes we aren't supposed to work it out... I am struggling to understand why we can't. Wondering if he really loved me like he said he did. I have never told a man I loved him... b4 him... And I took it seriously when I did tell him that... like I was ready to tell him that my whole life serious. I just know that right now I feel like my whole world has crumbled around me, the hopes and dreams that we had built together, all gone, in one conversation online. By the decision of one person. My heart is crying out... God, please hold me up, I am so weak right now, I need you Lord. Please hold me, put your arms around me, help me to rest in you. Help me to trust. It hurts. I've never hurt to this extent b4. Be with me Lord.... break this blow, please numb the sting, so that I can make it thru, yet make me a better person still. IJN Amen

Struggle with what to believe

Y This last week has been the most emotionally stressful, and confusing week of my entire lifetime! Pondering the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues.. listening to every ones opinions, wondering which is closest to the truth, and wondering if you come up with the wrong thing if someone very important to you is gonna say goodbye. Hmmmm if I ever get stuck again making things so hard, somebody please slap me! It may hurt for a second, but not like being so screwed up did! lol.

So I just opened my Bible to Acts yesterday... I told the Lord... God, I need you... please open my eyes, please remove this confusion from me!!! I just read... and read... and read. When I finished it was like... DUDE!! I got SO confused, and its all just so simple! What it says here, is only whats important to God.. not HOW you recieve, WHEN you recieve, not What your doing at the time you recieve... just so simple... just read it, and take it for what it says! If it doesnt say it... its not there! and it may be how someone else sees something, but I don't see too many rules in the Bible about this :). How awesome! Wow, what peace... Thank God for helpin me out with this. Y