Truck Ride

Dad said he would take me into town for a date tonight, for a pop. I asked him if we could take his red truck, but he hadn't gotten it back yet. About half an hour later my uncle pulls up with Dad's truck!! Dad was so excited to have it back. (Its been in the shop for most of the year). So after Dad and Uncle Brian tried it out together, and dad took him home, Dad, Abby and I climbed into the truck and went to town. Abby and I got Ice cream, cuz it sounded better than pop. :D. We waved at as many ppl as we could, and laughed as they looked at Dad's strange wood burning contraption on the back of his truck. We might have been driving a UFO for all the weird looks we got going thru town. Lol, was fun!

Arrows

Its after 11 pm, I just got home from work after working thirteen and a half hours. I have been yelled at, cussed at, and made to feel totally worthless by several different people. I haven't eaten a meal since 7:30 this morning, because I was at the beck and call of 10 teenage girls nearly every single minute today. The house was like a powder keg, waiting to blow up, and it did, several times, at me. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I do this job any more. Did I do anything good today? I'm so tired, and hungry.. lol ok, I'm gonna go eat, then fall into bed. But first, wanna thank you Lord for keeping your arms around me every moment today, and walking by my side, deflecting the arrows of the enemy. I love you!

Jake

My brothers friend brought his young son over with him, but left him in the car while he was sleeping, and we kept checkin on him for him. When he woke up I unbuckled him and picked him up, he stopped crying and curled up in my arms. It felt so good, but made a lump form in my throat. I gave him right away to his dad. Later my little brothers were entertaining him, so I joined them laughing as we watched him as he played with the puppy, then took him to his daddy. So little, so adorable, such a handful. I don't know how to handle them any more. Its been over 10 years since we've had a baby in the house. I watched Aaron with him thinking.... this could have been mine. But no. I love children, I had a big part in raising my siblings, but I seriously doubt my patience for them any more. Is it too late Lord? Is it really your plan for me to be alone forever? Tears.

Michigan

We went camping! Oh... it was alittle bit like I might imagine vacations in heaven will be like :). We listened to christian music all the way up, singing at the top of our lungs, till we could sing no more! When we got there we set up camp, then went down to the lake. I didn't wear my swimsuit down cuz I didn't think we would be swimming much, but when we got down there and the kids got into the water I couldn't resist any longer!! The water was so cool, crisp, and soo clean! I forgot how clean Kneff lake is! And my log.... lol, so much fun to play on, knocking others off, and trying to stand on it. That evening went so fast. On Friday mom and dad went to see a friend of thiers, and left the kids with my friend and I, so we went down to the beach where they found a little boy and girl, and made friends with them, while digging a giant hole in the beach. I didn't swim that time, but I was wishing I had by the time we left the beach at about 11:30, cuz the sun was getting pretty warm. We went back up the steep trail to camp, where mom and dad were ready and waiting to head towards St. Ignace and Bessie's Pasties for lunch. YUMMM!! After lunch we walked around town for awhile and got some fudge before heading back across Macinac Bridge to Grayling. When we returned to Camp Seth and Tom had arrived.. Yay! We all went swimming that evening again. Saturday dawned bright and rainy.. yes.. rain! We huddled under the tarp by the camp fire trying to stay warm while we ate hot biscuits and gravy that Susan and I made. MMmmm. We ate lunch, went shopping and to the museum in Grayling, then went back and swam, despite the lovely drizzly rain.. it still was a ton of fun! The boys managed to dig up lots of treasure off the bottom of the lake, including a few hair bands, a pair of goggles, and a full bottle of blue gatorade... lol. That night at 9:00 everyone, even mom and dad and the kids were seated in the little Grayling theater waiting for Despicable Me to start. :-D In the morning it was promising to be a lovely day, and no one wanted to go home. :(. Mom and Dad decided to stay another couple days, but the youth all loaded up camp, then we went to the SAME miniature golf place that we have gone to every time we go up there, and played a round. After a treat at Dairy Queen, we said goodbye to Grayling Michigan, and started on the way home. We had so much fun camping that my friend and I decided to camp a couple more days at the pond lol... :-D So last night.. in the rain.. again.... We were sleeping in a tent. In the morning when lightning hit really close to the tent, I decided it wasn't such a good time to be in the middle of the yard, that was the quick end to my vacation lol.

This n that

driving home from work, alone
watching the storm clouds cover
wondering if there will be anyone
to welcome me when I get home


Sitting on the raft in the pond
a thunderstorm overhead,
and lightning riddles the sky
spitting cherry pits at the volleyball players
and laughing at the faces they make

Sitting by myself on the huge log on the beach
the fish are looking at me, listening
as I play my favorite songs on my guitar

I watch the guys doing flips off the rope swing
wishing I didn't fear the things I longed to do
So grateful for the amazing things He's done in my life
Stumped by the things I wish to see changed in my heart

So happy to see my girls when they welcome me
with screams and hugs as I walk in the door at work
and so happy to finally leave them at the end of the day
leaving behind the responsibility, yet carrying it with me still
For every person we come into contact with, we are responsible for.
Realizing for every reaction, there is a catalyst,
Praying I'm part of the catalyst to bring a Godly reaction

Hating the things I do
Loving what I'm becoming
So scared to step out, to discover
So afraid to be here forever
Struggling with the woman within
Fighting every day to not be who I was
Resting in the peace the Father gives
and the knowledge of how much I am loved

Still wondering...
In spite of popular belief..
do I really look like...
Hannah Montana???!! :-D

Bugs

I was scrubbing the walls in the kitchen, and I happened to look up and see a little white bug thing with wings trying to get outside. It was looking out the window so forlornly that I couldn't bring myself to smush it. As I stood there watching the tiny creature struggling against the window, the thoughts began to come to my mind. We walk so carelessly across the yard, smushing how many tiny things, We do it unknowingly, and even sometimes we smash bugs knowingly, just cuz they're so small we can, when they bother us, or get in our way. How much smaller we are to God, yet he even LOVED us so much that he DIED for us! Little BUGS!! As He sits up there in heaven watching us, with one fingertip he could squish ten of us, but instead he cares tenderly for each of us, meeting our needs, and giving us the desires of our hearts. He listens to our problems, things so huge to us, but to him... sooo small. Thank you God for caring for this bug! :D

More

This has been my favorite summer in years!! I love the warm weather, looking at the stars at night, swimming with my littlel sis in the pool, and playing my guitar by the pond in the evening. I have the best tan I have had in years lol :D. In a couple of weeks I am hoping to go to a Formal Dinner, I am excited about that, I am working enough. A few weeks ago my transmission went out in my car, so I am spending the minimum till I can get that paid off. I hope this transmission lasts me awhile!! Today my little sister made me get onto Frontierville on Facebook.. lol, so I have been learning how to play that. I keep telling the Lord.. Ok Lord! Any time! :). I am happy, and I know that there is more.

A VERY close call...

I had just gotten out of my work meeting, I was enjoying the sunshine, and my music up loud. I was on my way to the library, the grocery store, and the wellness center in Warsaw. I had slowed down for a van that was turning right in front of me, and had glanced down then back up to the road as I started to speed up, just to see a bright red vehicle crossing the road RIGHT in front of me. The lady had pulled out while the van turned, not even knowing if someone was coming or not. I was sure I wouldn't have time to get stopped, but by some miracle I was stopped bare inches from the lady in the car's door. My whole body was trembling and I couldn't seem to get my breath as I watched the lady back up, returning to the side road where she had come from. How did I get from 45 to 0 mph in the 2 seconds if that since I'd seen the car? I had barely had a chance to apply the brakes!

I continued on, my mind in a fuzzle, as I drove I noticed the little pickup that had been behind me before the almost accident, was still behind me. Not only had God protected me and my little car.... He had protected the people behind me, and that lady... If I had hit that lady going the speed I was going, she could have been seriously hurt.... and I would have felt responsible. I prayed and thanked the Lord over and over for his protecting angels being around me and my car, and getting me stopped before I'd hit that lady!!!

March 14, Saturday 2010

Last night Abby and I decided to take a walk. Our short walk to the end of the road and back ended up at Stephen's house where we were talking with Stephen's puppy, when we came up with a brilliant idea... Seth and Tom were alone at the house, we should spy on them!!! So we snuck up the stairs to the Patio and peeked thru the kitchen window, but there was no one to be seen. We went back down the stairs and around the house to the front living room window, and I gave Abby a hand up to look into the crack between the drapes. When she jumped down Jasmine, Steve's dog who was locked up in the garage somehow heard us, and began barking like a maniac. Abby and I ran to the back yard, behind the shed and waited for a couple minutes before we decided to sneak into steve's garage. We got in, and were waiting at the inner door, listening, but we kept hearing someone move around, so we went back out, and on the way I noticed Steve's truck window was open.... SO when we reached our hideout behind Steve's shed, I pulled something out of my pocket. Abby's eyes lit up and she grinned.... We stood back there giggling as the garage door went up. We watched as Seth and Tom came down and stood there pushing the door opener button trying to figure out why in the world the garage door was opening and closing on its own!! We nearly died of laughter imagining the guy's bewildered faces. When we finally tired of that game we layed on the trampoline for awhile watching the now fast darkening sky. We made our way into the basement, the boys never noticed, because now they were watching a movie. "Old Dogs". We snuck up the stairs to the Living room. When we peeked over the stairway Seth and Tom looked at each other and burst out laughing. "We knew it was you!" LOL, but then they did admit that the garage door opening and closing had them stumped for awhile... "BUT!" They said... "We'll be ready for ya next time!" Ha! We'll see about that! ~The End

Alone

I was driving alone into town last night. I stopped at a red light, and gazed into the heavens thru my sun roof. The stars were so brilliant in the dark sky. "Dear God," I prayed "Oh that I had someone who I could share this with..." The light turned green and I drove on, enjoying the warm spring night by myself. We walked to my grandparents, across the field for a visit, on the way back, it was that moment right before the last of the sun dissappears beyond the horizon, the birds and the crickets were singing thier song. I walked behind my mom and my sister, feeling the fact that if the Lord would bring me someone, we might be doing the same thing...together. We talked about the fact that there are continually angels around us at all times, we are not alone, yet I felt so alone. I looked up, once again, and began to talk to my Jesus about how I was feeling. I asked him to take care of the man that He had for me, that He would guide him, and show him His ways. That he would continue to make me more like Him, so I would be ready. Right then my mom spoke up out of the silence, as if she had read my thoughts she began telling me that she was praying for the man that God has for me, that he would be a kindred spirit for me, and that we would be best friends, and understand each other well. I began to cry, she didn't see the tears pouring down my face, as it was pretty dark, and she and my sister were walking ahead. I miss the cameraderie I had with this guy in the past, I have never been able to talk with and connect with anyone like that before, even my girlfriends. I miss that. I know that God has someone who will be even better, even tho I can't fathom understanding any one better than I did him. I know God is in control, and that each time I am lonely, He is teaching me to rely on Him. Tho I may be lonely, I am not alone.

Little Girl 4-7-10

Do you want a little girl? I asked a guy friend. I had just watched Hannah Montana, and was laying on the couch dreaming of having my own little girl one day... Thinking of my friends little girl..."Nah".. was his reply. Dissapointment. No little girl? Thats no fun!! I sighed. Surrender. Lord, you know ins and outs of my future, there's nothing for me to worry about!!!

Thanks 4-7-10

Sitting at the table tonight, showing my little sister how to crochet. No, I have never taught her before, my little brothers always had interest to learn, maybe more for attention from thier big sis than anything, but Abby never has.. until today.. When I showed her the sweet soft neon green color I had bought, and told her that she could make a purse with it.... then her eyes lit up, and she was willing to try. She learned quickly, and in no time was doing an awesome job, so I had pulled out the scarf I've been working on for one of my brothers. My dad came into the Dining room and pats me on the shoulder, teasing me about crocheting, I looked up at him and laughed, teasing him back. Lately its more and more often that I hear real laughter bubbling from my lips, and feel that free delight in my soul, something I don't remember since I was so young, sometimes I stop and wonder.. "what was that?" when it happens. I don't know what is changing, if its a work that the Lord is doing in my life that I can let loose and enjoy things again, or maybe its that my thyroid is working better now... I'm just amazed at the difference. I pray that it never goes back to how I was before! Nearly every day I see both my mom and dad at different times stop and look at me with this indistinguishable look in thier eyes, something like unbelief and joy. Today I heard my mom say when she was talking to an aunt on the phone, "I have MY SARAH back!!" This year I have rolled in the grass with my little siblings, willingly helped my little sister nearly every day that I am home with her chores, talked every day with my mom, without argueing with her, and daily I'm learning how to treat her with the respect she learns, and its not a battle any more. We are friends again. Not once this year have I shut myself alone in my apartment with alchohol, movies, and misery. I LOVE life!! Thank you so much Jesus!! I'm so grateful to you!!!

His Ways are Better

I went out with some friends to the coffee house tonight. That was AFTER I did most of list of stuff I had to do first lol :D. I didn't think I would get all of it done!! I was so thankful my little/big brother Steve helped me out with the lights in my car! He's awesome at helping me out when I need help with my car and stuff. Even had time to get cleaned up for our date tonight. We had a great time, played a card game, and chatted. I've missed that set of friends, rarely see them now. It was so amazingly beautiful today! And tonight... after the sun had gone down... there is a soft breeze blowing, yet its warm enough still to have a comfy summer outfit on. The stars are so bright tonight, made me wish so much I had someone to sit out under them and chat with!! Ya Que.. I will trust, and I will not be afraid. His ways are better than mine.

List to self

Lying in the grass for a nap
Wildfire Warriors walking back to the house
after the Fire Dept finally arrived and put out the fires....


List to self today.....

Get State Taxes finished and sent in...
Get a good shower...
Shave...
Pluck Eyebrows...
Fix the two tail lights and one front light
that were out in my car that the police
kept stopping me for.....
Call to get my windshield fixed.. .
before I get stopped for that again....
Download CD's onto our computer so I can
put them on my new MP3 player my
brothers got me for my birthday....
Hang out with my family...
Go out for my birthday with friends...
Say hi to Punk...
Look at the amazing stars in the sky tonight...
Be happy...

Happy Birthday Aaron!!

After all the excitement from the afternoon, I never was able to get back to sleep! I went and got a shower, and got ready to go out for supper! Yes!! My little, not so little 13 year old brother has just turned 14... sniff... man they grow up fast. He came up to my apartment, seemed really nervous. I asked him if everything was ok, he nodded. I noticed that he had old tennis shoes on with his nice outfit and asked him if he had any nice shoes.. "No.." He shook his head and showed me money in his hand. "I wanna go look for some" His eyes asked me if it'd be ok.

"Sure!!" I grabbed my purse and we were off. We went to the theater first to see what was playing, and made a choice what movie he wanted to see, then headed to the Golden Corral, which he had wanted to eat at. When we pulled in tho, it was CROWDED... of course its friday night. "Lets go to Bob Evans!" He points to Bob Evans right next door. Thier parking lot was only half as full as Golden Corral's. We had just pulled in to Bob Evan's parking lot when I get a call from my brother Steve. "Hey! you at Golden Corral?" I explain to him that we were going to eat at Bob Evans. "Can I meet with you guys?" I look at Aaron, he had told me earlier he wanted it to be just me and him. "Is it ok with you?" He shrugged, "Ya, its fine."

We had a great supper, much better than it would have been at Golden Corral I am sure! lol, then we went to Payless. We walked in, and first thing we spotted two pair of shoes that we thought were cool. He tried on the one pair, he liked them, and I went exploring. I fell in love with this pair of American Eagle heels that went perfectly with the little black dress I had on. "Aaron, which ones??" I asked my little brother, I put on a black flat shoe with one of the heels on my other foot. "That one" he always chose the heels. So I went ahead and splurged. We visited Pier 1, had fun sneaking around there looking at furniture and fancy knicknacks. We went to walmart, then to the theater where we watched The Bounty Hunter. It was a great movie! Happy Birthday Aaron! :D.

The Great Fire of 2010

Steps... coming up the stairs.. closer and closer, the door opens quietly, I hear somehow thru the fog. The steps come closer still, across the kitchen towards the bedroom door, then I hear a gentle knock. I groan inside thinking.. will I EVER get 8 straight hours of sleep? Mhmlmlm? I mutter, trying to force my eyes open. "Sarah!" My little sister opens my bedroom door and peeks in, "Sarah, can you come look out the window?"

You woke me up to ask me to look out the window???!! I wanted to say, but only a jarbled "mghmmlmm???" comes out as I managed to get my eyes open and look at my sis. Her face is white, and she looks scared... I better look out the window. My eyes are foggy and dry and I rub them as I climb out of bed and follow her to the kitchen window. I don't really see anything at first, then they focus.... There was a haze going all the way across the feild a few yards out from our yard... "What is it?" I manage to pronounce, finally actually getting something I wanted to say out.

"Its a wildfire." She says then goes into my bathroom. I stand there watching for a minute, I can see my brothers and my mom with shovels beating at flames and throwing dirt on top of smoldering corn stalks left over from last years harvest. My great uncles tractor and plow are racing across the field faster than I have ever seen a plow run. Two payloaders, run presumably by my Dad, and my Grandpa are scraping dirt just ahead of what looks like 5 to 6 foot flames being driven by the outrageous winds.

Suddenly I squint... the flames had been heading kitty corner across the field between ours and my granparents houses, but... now the wind had changed directions and I could see the flames heading towards our house.. YIKES!!! I watch only a moment more before throwing on a pair of jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and my tennies. "Abby, its coming toward the house! We might need to go help!!" She ran down the stairs to get her shoes on. With this wind... it wouldnt take it long to reach our dogs penned at the back edge of our yard!

When Abby and I get out into the yard we move aside as a yellow fire department truck speeds thru our back yard passed us and into the cloud of smoke. They had arrived just in time. With in about 10 minutes the cloud had nearly dissapated. Wisps of smoke rose from the ground nearly to our neighbors house, only blackened fields and smoldering cornstalks remained.

After reassuring Skyler, and Sally, our dogs who looked totally worried at the strong acrid smell of smoke as they sniffed the air, we made our way to where my brothers and a friend stood in a circle talking over what had happened near the fence line. We watched as the fire department worked hard spraying water over the feild, putting out any last sparks that could start more fires.

Our neighbors children had been told to start their trash, on one of the windiest days of spring. You could see that the fire had started a few yards out from the edge of thier property, and spread all the way across the feild to the fence line. In places it had jumped over. My mom told me that it only took about 10 minutes for the fire to travel that far because of the winds. We have had these fires before and had to put them out, nearly every year lately, but this one was the best of all! lol. Thank God for his protection and the quickness of the Bourbon Fire Dept!!

Words of a Wise Friend...

One of my dear friends told me this one day, it helped me alot. He said "Well, don't give up, keep at it! Yeah, its not going to be easy, but you just have to stick with it!

Serendipitous

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated. ...

An unsought, unintended, and/or unexpected discovery and/or learning experience that happens by accident and sagacity

serendipitous - By serendipity; by unexpected good fortune; Good, beneficial, favorable, etc.the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.

This morning I watched Serendipity the movie, even tho they talk alot of fate, and destiny, we could also take the random happenings in their story.... as God's hand in thier life. May all my loved ones lead Serendipitous lives!! :-D Live, and let God....

Pills!!!

Its a struggle... every day.... I hate diets, but this was the longest stretch that I had done the best on any diet, as long as I can remember. I'd done my diet pretty faithfully for over a month before getting down and giving up for about 6 days. I truly feel better when I am doing the diet! I have kept up on taking all the vitamin supplements that were advised for me, which is good too, but I know, still... the vitamins without the diet, just don't do the full job! I was taking Magnesium, only to find out that it was the wrong kind!! So I switched to the right kind, I was taking a Metagenics multivitamin, and it seemed to help, it had mostly the right kindof vitamins in it, then my mom mentioned that you are supposed to take 6 of those horse pills a day!! YIKES!!! lol!! There was no way.. thinking about it I decided that it would be cheaper to just buy the things that I needed the most, and take them all seperate. So mom came home from her class one night, she has mentioned many many times that I must have a low thyroid, so I should maybe be taking Iodine, she learned how to do this patch test with Iron Tincture that would tell if I needed it or not, if the patch is off ur skin within 16 hours, it shows that you are low in Iodine, therefore showing that your Thyroid is not working properly. So having done the test, and shown that she was right, the patch was gone within a few hours... I went to the Health food store to get Iodine, but its not regular Iodine, its a special kind.. I started with 1/2 pill every other day, and now I have worked up to 1 full pill every day. Then I realized that the Selenium I get in the multivitamin is not enough for taking Iodine, when you take Iodine you have to take at least 200 mcg a day. So I went back to the health food store and bought Selenium, and now I take 2 of those a day. Mom says that I was grumpy because I needed B12, and other B vitamins.. so I started taking my B vitamin complex.. BUT... the only place you can find the right kind of B12 vitamins around here.. is.. at Zales.. again, that Pharmacy in Warsaw. So, back I went, to get a B12 pill, the other kinds of B vitamins in the Complex were the right kinds!! But not the B12.. ha.. what a joke! So I have been taking Fish Oil, but it HAS to be a special kind, not just any fish oil will do the job correctly! lol, So.... we go to the Health food store for that too!! Well, another vitamin that she learned about, that is very important and ppl don't know much about.. is.... Vitamin D!! Hum.. How does one know if he/she is low on Vitamin D??? Well, one of the symtoms can be depression... BUT the only way to know for sure is to get a blood test done... so for the first time in my life I went with my mom to the Wellness Center where they do periodical VD tests, and had blood drawn. Yep.... a good number for VD is about 80-90, mine is at about 25, and my mom's was even worse.. at about 15! :S... so.... mom called the Dr right away, and faxed her the paper work, and had her perscribe vitamin D to us. The only thing was... once she talked to the lady teaching this class, the vitamin D that was perscribed doesn't absorb well, even though we were perscribed 50,000 mg 2 times a week!!! it is D2, and the kind you REALLY need is a D3.. Yikes!! She said that Dr's don't really research so much about the different vitamins that are the BEST for you usually. So.. I guess today I am going to stop at Zales again.. and try to find the correct kind of Vitamin D. Wow... but! One thing is for sure, I have been almost 100% happier since I started taking these things and trying to eat healthy!! Which, if my Thyroid, V B12, and V D were all really low.... and now they are working better, that could be a HUGE reason why! Mom tells me that I seem like a totally different person now, than what I was before, and that I am much more emotionally stable than I was.. I can tell, and I am so thankful to you Lord for helping mom and I be healthier!! I pray that you will continue to be our strength to continue!! IJN, Amen

Thursday, April Fools Day

I hear the slap of my feet on the linoleum floor, and I look down at my toes... poor toes I think ruefully, they are so swollen, which is the reason I have parted momentarily with my usually comfortable Skecher Crocs. I climb the stairs for the 12 th time tonight and check each of the girls in the 5 bedrooms before bouncing down the stairs. My left hand runs along the smooth banister until I hit the bottom. Many times I have thought about the many stories this old house could tell if it could speak. This banister just isn't ANY banister, but the width of the stairs, and the care that was taken to fashion the scrolling trim that follows the stair case upstairs, the large rounded Post at the bottom with fancy trim on the top, all speak of a rather wealthy family who might have resided here maybe a hundred years ago, or maybe even more!

Who knows! The other day they took down the magnificent fir trees in the front yard, they had been gorgeous trees, providing many summers of shade and enjoyment I am sure, I stopped to count the rounds in the tree stump, curious about how many years old it may be. "Are you a boy scout??" One of my friends pulled her car up near the little hill where I stood counting the rounds on the tree trunk... I laughed "Nah, I was just wondering how old this tree is.. I am gonna miss these trees so much..." I looked out over the yard.."Looks so bare without them, so sad" She agreed with me before pulling out and waving good bye. I had stopped at 41, I began counting again. 71, 72, 73, 74, 75... WOW.. 75 years this tree had been growing to be the glorious landmark it had been. I wanted to cry. I saw the tree after they had cut all the branches off, it had to have been about 60-70 feet tall, much taller than the two story house where I worked is. Now it lay scattered across the yard in many large pieces, much bigger around than I.

I grabbed my tea as I passed the kitchen tables, and went into the semi dark Living room where I had been watching Serendipity before one of my girls had come down the stairs, those gorgeous old stairs, and asked for her meds, and to get her breakfast. " I missed you Miss Lemler!" Were the first words out of her mouth, I had smiled back at here, " I missed you to!" It was the truth too. Well, now its time for the other girls to be up, and I had better be ready to give some attention.