Love and Prayers....

So many dreams of you, nearly every day lately... Why I wonder. Where are they all coming from? Maybe you are sad or lonely today? Maybe you need a friend. Maybe thats why. I don't understand it all.... Today for the first time I was able to tell someone who asked, that I wasn't in love with you any more, and I meant it. I love you. You will always be special to me, and I hope you will always be my friend, but I'm not in love with you any more. I'm ready to be loved in return. Ready to move on, and see what comes next. Love and Prayers, Me

Dear Friend...

Today I want to let you know how much you mean to me, to thank you for all the times you have been there for me, you have listened to, prayed for, cried, hoped, dreamed, laughed and loved with me. I'm sure I will never be able to tell you enough times to truly thank you for all the times you have called right when I needed someone to talk to, or the times you have stopped your work to be there when a catastrophe was happening in my life. The times the world looked too glum and gloomy, but somehow when you finished with me, the rays of sunshine had poked thru the clouds, then burst in to a full sunshiny day. The tears dried, you pulled and prodded till gladly laughter spilled out again. The goofy messages left on my answering machine that made my day brighter. The emails, and the notes. The flowers sent to my house when I was sick, down, had a birthday, or just because. The care and love you showed when it seemed no one else had time. The times we studied, chatted, encouraged each other, laughed, hugged, and cried, up until the wee hours of the night together, neither caring what time it was, or that we had to be up at 5:00am the next morning. Thank you dear friend. I love you so much, and may the Lord help me to be half the friend to you and others, as you have been to me.

Ya...

Hi... I'm tired, and grumpy, and I have NO idea whats going on with my work schedule.. this is scary. All I know is they said I am to come in like normal on Saturday night.. lol. I am here, but I never found out what I am supposed to work tomorrow.... HELP!

I think I had an epiphany on Thanksgiving. You don't care. I'm not brilliant I know this... but ya. You didn't even tell a friend Happy Thanksgiving back. I get it. So ya.

Just Trust

Hi... its a lonely night.. I am so happy tonight.. lol, like this saying they put up on the computer wallpaper.. :) I'm happier than a bird with a french fry!!! :D lol. I love it. I still miss you tho!! HOW!! lol.. Oh well.... seems to be the story of my life, I think I will always care for you, even letting go. Saw this really cool guy from Bristol Indiana on a dating site, and it said we have alot in common... I think I'd date him! lol. If Punk lived closer than texas, I think I would date him if he wanted to get together... He's great. But likely.. none of these will happen. God has a story for me. I am living it out. I sometimes wish I could see the future, but on the other hand... I can hardly handle what is happening right now in my life, how would I handle the future too? I suppose I will keep trying my best to trust.. Just trust like that little girl in the meadow picking flowers, without a care in her mind... Trust Jesus.

Not Right

Why do you say you know I haven't missed you? HOW can you say that when we haven't talked in a very long time? You have no idea the things I have gone thru in this time, or how many times I've cried, or been happy. Please don't come back into my life telling me that we don't know eachother any more, but for some reason you do know how I've been without even asking me. Its just not right

Do you hate me?

Do you hate me? After all that we've done and the hurtful things I've said, you have never once told me even one hurtful thing. What it is that you dislike about me so much. What thing about me was it that made you say the second time you started to care that you didnt want me? I look at you, I think by now I should know you... alittle bit. I still don't know how you feel about me. Do you like me? alittle? Do you like to be with me? Do you detest me? Do you hate that I pray for you? The only things I know for sure is that sometimes you need your space, that you said you loved me, then you said you didnt, then you said that you didnt know about us, then you said we would never be together, but you still would fu** me. I hate to surmize this, but sometimes I wonder, is that the only reason we are friends still? If its not I wish I knew how you still care. Why you still care. If you still care. What are you thinking when we are talking or chatting?? I wish this idiot would forget about our friendship? or Thanks for being my friend...?? Hun... do you hate me? What goes on in that mind and heart of yours?

Even tho I hate you

I hate you... sometimes I really hate you. But the only reason I do, is because you said you don't want me. Do I really hate you because I love you? Cause I've wanted you so bad? I just don't know anymore.... cuz sometimes I still want you, even tho I hate you. Sometimes I still love you and know I'd to anything for you, even tho I hate you.

Dating...

I never really knew you. You never really knew me. We thought we knew each other, but we knew almost nothing. We never really dated, even though we talked so much. We never had opportunity to work together. To live situations together. No, I never really knew you. You never really knew me.

Phone Call

I called you tonight, I was waiting in my car for a friend to show up, I was bored. So I called you. The rain was falling on my car roof. You answered. I was alittle nervous. We talked. You made me laugh. Nervous dissappeared. The call was short. It was really nice. Thank you.

Missing You

Its at the weirdest times that I am overwhelmed by missing you. Today I was sitting on the couch, talking with my mom and a friend about a christian woman's place in the home/church. Basically talking about 1 Cor 14, when suddenly this huge MISSING feeling came apon me, I looked out the window as thier conversation swirled around me, and remembered some conversations that you and I had about the same subject. I said a prayer for you hun, today we are in two different worlds... but I will always hope the best for you :) With all the Love of Christ. Me

Its Done

Its done, its over, ur gone, its done.
Now I see, now I know, that what you told me is true,
that you don't love me, and we'll really never be
I thought you might love me again one day, but no
I don't think it will happen now, I always thought it would
kill me to realize this ,but no, I'm still breathing
one breath at a time, I'm still living,
one day at a time, It doesnt kill me now
every time I think of you, It only hurts, only a bit
We weren't real, I don't wanna go back,
when I think of what we were. I'm content where I am
I'm content as your friend, I'm content to live
Where God has put me, I hope to be
only where He wants me.

Live again

I don't want to cry any more. I want to live again, I want to remember how to live. Every day I keep expecting things to go back to how they were before you broke my heart, sometimes I think I see things are better, then I fall again, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't wanna try any more. Its been so long, isn't there like a deadline that one hits that point and stops hurting inside? Just an automatic forget button in time?

Dreams of You

I dreamed about you today. I don't remember what happened in the dream, maybe some continuation of what was, or I hoped would be. I don't remember any one else in the dream. I only remember your face, you being close, light, laughter, and words being spoken softly. I remember waking and feeling loved, peaceful, as I drifted back to sleep. When I woke again that feeling stayed with me, but added with it was a deep sadness, a longing that cries within me. .WHY? I still don't understand why we couldn't be. I truly never did understand. Maybe I will sleep and dream of you again.

I don't know... I know

i don't know what to think any more, or what to believe, or hope for. about us. I hope that you care.. the same way you did b4.... and that you are truly hoping to work things out in time.... on the other hand I always thought, the only reason you loved me was cuz you didn't know me... You know..the same thoughts that kept me from falling for you so fast in the beginning.... well, as fast... cuz I think you fell faster. Who knows.... lol

I don't know if you meant it all the times you told me you loved me. I don't know that you didnt just put for now at the end of just be friends when you broke up with me, cuz you don't really love me any more, but don't want to hurt me. I don't know if you meant it when you cried to me b4 saying goodbye for a month.. Sarah, please don't hate me. I don't know if the only reason you won't answer my calls isnt because you don't ever want to hear my voice again. I don't know if the real reasons you took the month off wasnt just to get away from me. I don't know if you really meant it when you said maybe about getting back together some time.

I know that I meant it when I told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I know that I'm praying you want to work things out as much as I do, but if you don't...please just tell me.
I know that I can be just friends FOR NOW if you want me to.. but I can't just be your friend forever. If you didn't really mean that...please tell me.
I know that once my heart hits drive there is no stopping it, it can slow down, but it just can't seem to find reverse.
I know that as long as I know you really love me I am more than willing to wait for you to do what you need to do. But if you don't... please tell me.
I know that when I said I wanted you, it was for always, But if you didnt really mean it when you said it to me.... please tell me.
I know that I'm sorry to have to say this, but if You don't really love me the way you said you did... please tell me if this is the case, cuz its hard to just be your friend right now if there is absolutely no hope for the future with you.
I know that I need to hear these things from your lips, the lips that I now love, bcuz you gave them to me ....
I know that I need to hear these things from your heart, the heart that I now love, becuz you gave it to me....