True Beauty

2010-12-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

Jehova's Witnesses??? Huh?? Interesting...

Tired and Lonely

2010-12-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

Ya, its after midnight again, and instead of doing what I should do and go to sleep, I am on here. You know its funny how I get lonely in the middle of the night, cuz thats when I get off work, but every one is alseep, so there is no one to talk to. So I get on the internet....Sigh... I got in an accident tonight, and even worse I was working at the time. I was so upset about it. Thankfully the guy whose truck trailer I slid into was really nice, and didn't cuss me out. Does it ever end? It seems like this year has been thing after thing to pay for, and I can't seem to get out of it... :(. Well, so tired, so gonna go try to sleep...

Which one?

2010-11-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

Our leisure, even our play, is a matter of serious concern. There is no neutral ground in the universe. Every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God, and counterclaimed by Satan.
C.S. Lewis

2010-11-15T21:46:00.001-08:00

Man! Those deer sure almost got a first hand, up close look at my radiator tonight! The moon was so crisp and clear... a gorgeous night tonight!

2010-11-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Do you think God ever gets lonely???

Sick

2010-11-10T07:46:00.001-08:00

Home sick from work, doesn't leave much to do. Been eating cough drops, and hot tea, and blowing my nose alot. Tried to work last night, was reallllly rough, I decided I'd better not try that again today. Other than sick, things are going wonderful, the Lord has been so good to me! For my birthday this year my brothers got me an MP3 player, so I have been putting lots of music on it, and spending alot of time listening to Worship, and uplifting music. It has been helping to fortify my spirits. When I am at work, or home, songs of praise are playing in my heart. I love to worship Him!

Cheating God

2010-10-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to cheat God? Can we cheat God? Are we cheating God if we choose not to do what we know we are supposed to do? I guess so. My pastor called us to a 30-day no cheating God challenge.

Camp

2010-10-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

The sun was shinin, there was a warm breeze, We had been at a wedding, in an old children's camp. Abby had brought the camara, so we took off exploring around the camp. We found a small chapel, and walked down by the lake taking pictures and having a great time.

2010-10-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

If I was walking along the beach one day, enjoying the breeze coming off of the water, minding my own, and a man that I had seen around, who had, it was rumored, healed many, yet a man of considerably radical non-conformative thought, met me there... and said to me........"Come....follow me!"

Not Alone

2010-09-22T06:19:00.001-07:00

Frustrations, stress, pushing, struggling.
Its like a knot balled up inside.
I can't, I want to, How?
Woke up with this song in my head...
You're not Alone....
I know He is speaking to me,
but I feel alone.
I don't want to do this

Grace

2010-08-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

One thing I've learned
is that your grace covers
all my sins
I haven't figured out how
to truly forgive myself
at times
yet I am so thankful
for the new start you give
every morning

Thankyou, I love you Jesus!
Help me to realize the fullness
of your love and forgiveness.

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed us from our sins

Adventure

2010-08-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

Peeks through the crack
Anticipation shines in her eyes
Heart is beating so fast
What is behind this door?!?
So excited to find out
So scared to be dissapointed
But ready for an adventure

Missing

2010-08-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

The birds sing an enchanting song
The sun smiles warm on my skin
Kept cool by the breeze, delightful
Surrounded by the ones I love
My heart sings a melody
I have every thing I need and more
There is just one thing missing... YOU

Truck Ride

2010-08-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Dad said he would take me into town for a date tonight, for a pop. I asked him if we could take his red truck, but he hadn't gotten it back yet. About half an hour later my uncle pulls up with Dad's truck!! Dad was so excited to have it back. (Its been in the shop for most of the year). So after Dad and Uncle Brian tried it out together, and dad took him home, Dad, Abby and I climbed into the truck and went to town. Abby and I got Ice cream, cuz it sounded better than pop. :D. We waved at as many ppl as we could, and laughed as they looked at Dad's strange wood burning contraption on the back of his truck. We might have been driving a UFO for all the weird looks we got going thru town. Lol, was fun!

Arrows

2010-08-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

Its after 11 pm, I just got home from work after working thirteen and a half hours. I have been yelled at, cussed at, and made to feel totally worthless by several different people. I haven't eaten a meal since 7:30 this morning, because I was at the beck and call of 10 teenage girls nearly every single minute today. The house was like a powder keg, waiting to blow up, and it did, several times, at me. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder why I do this job any more. Did I do anything good today? I'm so tired, and hungry.. lol ok, I'm gonna go eat, then fall into bed. But first, wanna thank you Lord for keeping your arms around me every moment today, and walking by my side, deflecting the arrows of the enemy. I love you!

Jake

2010-08-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

My brothers friend brought his young son over with him, but left him in the car while he was sleeping, and we kept checkin on him for him. When he woke up I unbuckled him and picked him up, he stopped crying and curled up in my arms. It felt so good, but made a lump form in my throat. I gave him right away to his dad. Later my little brothers were entertaining him, so I joined them laughing as we watched him as he played with the puppy, then took him to his daddy. So little, so adorable, such a handful. I don't know how to handle them any more. Its been over 10 years since we've had a baby in the house. I watched Aaron with him thinking.... this could have been mine. But no. I love children, I had a big part in raising my siblings, but I seriously doubt my patience for them any more. Is it too late Lord? Is it really your plan for me to be alone forever? Tears.

Michigan

2010-08-03T15:31:00.001-07:00

We went camping! Oh... it was alittle bit like I might imagine vacations in heaven will be like :). We listened to christian music all the way up, singing at the top of our lungs, till we could sing no more! When we got there we set up camp, then went down to the lake. I didn't wear my swimsuit down cuz I didn't think we would be swimming much, but when we got down there and the kids got into the water I couldn't resist any longer!! The water was so cool, crisp, and soo clean! I forgot how clean Kneff lake is! And my log.... lol, so much fun to play on, knocking others off, and trying to stand on it. That evening went so fast. On Friday mom and dad went to see a friend of thiers, and left the kids with my friend and I, so we went down to the beach where they found a little boy and girl, and made friends with them, while digging a giant hole in the beach. I didn't swim that time, but I was wishing I had by the time we left the beach at about 11:30, cuz the sun was getting pretty warm. We went back up the steep trail to camp, where mom and dad were ready and waiting to head towards St. Ignace and Bessie's Pasties for lunch. YUMMM!! After lunch we walked around town for awhile and got some fudge before heading back across Macinac Bridge to Grayling. When we returned to Camp Seth and Tom had arrived.. Yay! We all went swimming that evening again. Saturday dawned bright and rainy.. yes.. rain! We huddled under the tarp by the camp fire trying to stay warm while we ate hot biscuits and gravy that Susan and I made. MMmmm. We ate lunch, went shopping and to the museum in Grayling, then went back and swam, despite the lovely drizzly rain.. it still was a ton of fun! The boys managed to dig up lots of treasure off the bottom of the lake, including a few hair bands, a pair of goggles, and a full bottle of blue gatorade... lol. That night at 9:00 everyone, even mom and dad and the kids were seated in the little Grayling theater waiting for Despicable Me to start. :-D In the morning it was promising to be a lovely day, and no one wanted to go home. :(. Mom and Dad decided to stay another couple days, but the youth all loaded up camp, then we went to the SAME miniature golf place that we have gone to every time we go up there, and played a round. After a treat at Dairy Queen, we said goodbye to Grayling Michigan, and started on the way home. We had so much fun camping that my friend and I decided to camp a couple more days at the pond lol... :-D So last night.. in the rain.. again.... We were sleeping in a tent. In the morning when lightning hit really close to the tent, I decided it wasn't such a good time to be in the middle of the yard, that was the quick end to my vacation lol.

Loved

2010-07-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

I'm SO glad you love me!!! :-D

Born Again

2010-07-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

I found myself looking into the mirror
Knew I wasn't who I wanted to be
I was living life the way that I wanted
But my eyes reminded me I'm not free
Believed a lie so everything that I know
Says I gotta go, tired of going solo
But I'm never gonna go there again

This is what it is
This is who I am
This is where I finally take my stand
I didn't wanna fall
But I don't have to crawl
I met the One with two scarred hands
Giving Him the best of
Everything that's left of
The life inside this man
I've been born again

Newsboys

This n that

2010-07-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

driving home from work, alone
watching the storm clouds cover
wondering if there will be anyone
to welcome me when I get home

Sitting on the raft in the pond
a thunderstorm overhead,
and lightning riddles the sky
spitting cherry pits at the volleyball players
and laughing at the faces they make

Sitting by myself on the huge log on the beach
the fish are looking at me, listening
as I play my favorite songs on my guitar

I watch the guys doing flips off the rope swing
wishing I didn't fear the things I longed to do
So grateful for the amazing things He's done in my life
Stumped by the things I wish to see changed in my heart

So happy to see my girls when they welcome me
with screams and hugs as I walk in the door at work
and so happy to finally leave them at the end of the day
leaving behind the responsibility, yet carrying it with me still
For every person we come into contact with, we are responsible for.
Realizing for every reaction, there is a catalyst,
Praying I'm part of the catalyst to bring a Godly reaction

Hating the things I do
Loving what I'm becoming
So scared to step out, to discover
So afraid to be here forever
Struggling with the woman within
Fighting every day to not be who I was
Resting in the peace the Father gives
and the knowledge of how much I am loved

Still wondering...
In spite of popular belief..
do I really look like...
Hannah Montana???!! :-D

Bugs

2010-07-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

I was scrubbing the walls in the kitchen, and I happened to look up and see a little white bug thing with wings trying to get outside. It was looking out the window so forlornly that I couldn't bring myself to smush it. As I stood there watching the tiny creature struggling against the window, the thoughts began to come to my mind. We walk so carelessly across the yard, smushing how many tiny things, We do it unknowingly, and even sometimes we smash bugs knowingly, just cuz they're so small we can, when they bother us, or get in our way. How much smaller we are to God, yet he even LOVED us so much that he DIED for us! Little BUGS!! As He sits up there in heaven watching us, with one fingertip he could squish ten of us, but instead he cares tenderly for each of us, meeting our needs, and giving us the desires of our hearts. He listens to our problems, things so huge to us, but to him... sooo small. Thank you God for caring for this bug! :D

True Love

2010-07-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Tell me you don't love me any more, it doesn't matter
Flatter me, Seduce me, Tempt me, I don't care any more
In you I thought I'd found all I'd ever wanted
My bad.

Now I've got something far stronger, His love pulls me closer,
Fills my heart fuller, than you ever have

Now... I know...
What true love is...
Nothing...
I've ever known...
Could ever compare.

2010-07-06T16:27:00.000-07:00

This has been my favorite summer in years!! I love the warm weather, looking at the stars at night, swimming with my littlel sis in the pool, and playing my guitar by the pond in the evening. I have the best tan I have had in years lol :D. In a couple of weeks I am hoping to go to a Formal Dinner, I am excited about that, I am working enough. A few weeks ago my transmission went out in my car, so I am spending the minimum till I can get that paid off. I hope this transmission lasts me awhile!! Today my little sister made me get onto Frontierville on Facebook.. lol, so I have been learning how to play that. I keep telling the Lord.. Ok Lord! Any time! :). I am happy, and I know that there is more.

Snippet

2010-05-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Man Alive! It has been forever since I've been able to write!! I miss it sooo much:(. I've been working days now, which means... tada!! No time any more to write. Sigh... Summer is wonderful! Been hanging with my little siblings out at the pond, joined a summer reading program at the library :), and been trying to find a church on Sunday mornings! Praise God I can go to church now! Some how I've been staying really busy, and not sure how, cuz it seems like I am not working that much, and don't spend that much time with my dear friends... hmmm. Well, I better run, gotta help get lunch on for my brothers. Blessings!

A VERY close call...

2010-04-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

I had just gotten out of my work meeting, I was enjoying the sunshine, and my music up loud. I was on my way to the library, the grocery store, and the wellness center in Warsaw. I had slowed down for a van that was turning right in front of me, and had glanced down then back up to the road as I started to speed up, just to see a bright red vehicle crossing the road RIGHT in front of me. The lady had pulled out while the van turned, not even knowing if someone was coming or not. I was sure I wouldn't have time to get stopped, but by some miracle I was stopped bare inches from the lady in the car's door. My whole body was trembling and I couldn't seem to get my breath as I watched the lady back up, returning to the side road where she had come from. How did I get from 45 to 0 mph in the 2 seconds if that since I'd seen the car? I had barely had a chance to apply the brakes!

I continued on, my mind in a fuzzle, as I drove I noticed the little pickup that had been behind me before the almost accident, was still behind me. Not only had God protected me and my little car.... He had protected the people behind me, and that lady... If I had hit that lady going the speed I was going, she could have been seriously hurt.... and I would have felt responsible. I prayed and thanked the Lord over and over for his protecting angels being around me and my car, and getting me stopped before I'd hit that lady!!!

4-25-10 Sunday

2010-04-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm so tired! wow.... what a day. Today I woke up around 9:00 am, I had planned on getting up earlier and going to church, but my little brothers and sister whom I was baby-sitting today didn't want to go to church today.. soooo, I slept alittle later. Which, I had been really tired, so the sleeping in part wasn't so bad. What was awesome was....

When I went downstairs I got my breakfast, and told the kids my game plan. We were going to have our own church. I put a worship CD in, and told them, that even tho they may not know the songs, they were to try to worship God this morning. We joined hands in a circle, and thanked the Lord for the Holy Spirit, and His presence on our service, we asked Him to come and be with us as we worshipped, and please be glorified. That we would all come away with something new today.

We sang and danced, and clapped our hands to the Lord. I felt His presence over us so strong. One song was singing of "The Promise" something hit me, I didn't know where it was going, but I jumped to turn off the CD player and asked each of the kids what they thought "the promise" is. I got three very good answers, but none were the complete answer. Words began spilling out of my mouth totally unplanned, as I told the kids what came to my heart, I watched as my little sisters eyes filled with tears and the tears began to run down her face, my littlest brother leaned forward with attention. My other brother sat with a frown on his face acting like I was crazy, but I kept talking, I knew the Lord was ministering thru me. We finished up with some bible games. After this the kid's attitudes were so much better, and I realized that I was happy. The loneliness I have been struggling with for the last couple weeks was gone.

I realized how long it has been since I have felt the Lords presence, and known that He was using me, His presence in our lives makes everything worthwhile, puts the purpose in our life and the peace in our hearts.

4-25-10 Answers

2010-04-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Dear God, and anyone else who is listening...I was talking with one of my girls about this tonight... and its a very good question. How does one forget someone they loved and move on? She said its been 3 1/2 years since she was with this guy, that they had some connection, they could just talk for hours and hours, that they had lost contact, but she still dreams about him on occasion, and in these last years has had no real desire to date anyone, that he is always in the back of her mind, that she somehow knows that until she is totally over this guy, and it hasn't happened yet, she probably won't really date again. How can one be free from that? I would like to know? Can anyone give the answers? Cuz I have prayed for them, and I have tried whatever I can think of, and it just ain't workin....."

David's Version

2010-04-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

How Long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? Look on me and answer, O Lord, my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13

Notes: Don't you just love David's honesty? He didn't act like he had it all together. He knew God already saw his heart, so he held nothing back. Then he chose to cling to the truth. Despite his pain, he trusted in God's unfailing love. Even when life looked bleak, he still praised God. How was he able to maintain that perspective? We're given a clue: David focused on God's goodness to him. When you're struggling, share your feelings with God. Then let him remind you of his goodness to you to give you comfort in the midst of your pain.

Can't take it any more

2010-04-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

I can't take this any more!!! Please get out of my head!! Please just love me or let me be???I think I am going insane with loneliness. I think about you way too much, and I know its only because what we were was amazing at one time... because I don't even want to be with you any more.

Its so hard when you know someone cares about you, but he has told you that we probably could never be together, and his reasons were true, and are true still, but yet all it would take is a word and we could be together. I just want to love, and be loved. Why does it have to be so hard, so complicated? Dear Lord, what have I done that I deserve to be alone so many years of my life? When others have been as sinful as I have, yet have someone to love? Why is it me that you choose to cry myself to sleep each night, why did you choose me whose heart aches every evening because I know nothing has changed, and nothing is likely to? Why do you tell me you love me, yet your obvious will is for me to be lonely? Alone one more day, week, year?? Am I that incapable of loving a man?

Maybe you wanted me to learn lessons, ok, I have, and am.... yet still nothing changes. I will never be good enough if I am not already. Life passes me by, and again I am watching the sun set with only empty space by my side. No companion, no one to come home to, no one to be home for, no one to talk to, no one just to be with.

I watch my friends with thier babies and children, I look at my clock, yes I know how old I am. People make comments, Your mom and dad want grandchildren... I see that look in thier eyes, the questions.. why aren't you with someone yet. I DON"T KNOW ok? You think I don't long for my own child? I went to see two brand new babies this week, I think it was a mistake. I only long that much more for my own... but I know... as long as I am in God's will, it will be a long while before I have my own, if ever. Sorry mom and dad. I'm a failure in relationships. I'd better just face it.

March 14, Saturday 2010

2010-04-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

Last night Abby and I decided to take a walk. Our short walk to the end of the road and back ended up at Stephen's house where we were talking with Stephen's puppy, when we came up with a brilliant idea... Seth and Tom were alone at the house, we should spy on them!!! So we snuck up the stairs to the Patio and peeked thru the kitchen window, but there was no one to be seen. We went back down the stairs and around the house to the front living room window, and I gave Abby a hand up to look into the crack between the drapes. When she jumped down Jasmine, Steve's dog who was locked up in the garage somehow heard us, and began barking like a maniac. Abby and I ran to the back yard, behind the shed and waited for a couple minutes before we decided to sneak into steve's garage. We got in, and were waiting at the inner door, listening, but we kept hearing someone move around, so we went back out, and on the way I noticed Steve's truck window was open.... SO when we reached our hideout behind Steve's shed, I pulled something out of my pocket. Abby's eyes lit up and she grinned.... We stood back there giggling as the garage door went up. We watched as Seth and Tom came down and stood there pushing the door opener button trying to figure out why in the world the garage door was opening and closing on its own!! We nearly died of laughter imagining the guy's bewildered faces. When we finally tired of that game we layed on the trampoline for awhile watching the now fast darkening sky. We made our way into the basement, the boys never noticed, because now they were watching a movie. "Old Dogs". We snuck up the stairs to the Living room. When we peeked over the stairway Seth and Tom looked at each other and burst out laughing. "We knew it was you!" LOL, but then they did admit that the garage door opening and closing had them stumped for awhile... "BUT!" They said... "We'll be ready for ya next time!" Ha! We'll see about that! ~The End

Alone

2010-04-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

I was driving alone into town last night. I stopped at a red light, and gazed into the heavens thru my sun roof. The stars were so brilliant in the dark sky. "Dear God," I prayed "Oh that I had someone who I could share this with..." The light turned green and I drove on, enjoying the warm spring night by myself. We walked to my grandparents, across the field for a visit, on the way back, it was that moment right before the last of the sun dissappears beyond the horizon, the birds and the crickets were singing thier song. I walked behind my mom and my sister, feeling the fact that if the Lord would bring me someone, we might be doing the same thing...together. We talked about the fact that there are continually angels around us at all times, we are not alone, yet I felt so alone. I looked up, once again, and began to talk to my Jesus about how I was feeling. I asked him to take care of the man that He had for me, that He would guide him, and show him His ways. That he would continue to make me more like Him, so I would be ready. Right then my mom spoke up out of the silence, as if she had read my thoughts she began telling me that she was praying for the man that God has for me, that he would be a kindred spirit for me, and that we would be best friends, and understand each other well. I began to cry, she didn't see the tears pouring down my face, as it was pretty dark, and she and my sister were walking ahead. I miss the cameraderie I had with this guy in the past, I have never been able to talk with and connect with anyone like that before, even my girlfriends. I miss that. I know that God has someone who will be even better, even tho I can't fathom understanding any one better than I did him. I know God is in control, and that each time I am lonely, He is teaching me to rely on Him. Tho I may be lonely, I am not alone.

SPA!

2010-04-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

The spa party last night was so much fun! Here are some pics, of the food, us enjoying ourselves, and Kyra trying to eat the products lol...

Loved Ones

2010-04-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

My head rests on my elbow on the desk. Tears pour down my face, but as you speak to my heart a tremulous smile breaks across my face. So tempted to despair at times because it seems like I'm so out of control, can't do the things I want to. Want to help people I love out, but don't have the means, want to encourage them but don't have the words, want to show them how much you really love them, but my arms cannot reach to where they are. Would do my best to speak in love, but they don't seem to want to hear. When I begin to falter, and doubt begins to creep in, You remind me of what You have done for me. How far You have brought me. I am reassured of how much You love me, how much You love them. That I can rest in You to care for me, that I can rest in You to care for them, because You do love them first... and You do love them more. I will recline in your love, and let you do what you do best.

5 Min Check-up

2010-04-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

5 Minute Checkup:

Rate yourself honestly on the fruits of the Spirit in your own life on a scale of 1 to 10. (10) means this is the way I act today, (1) means I have a long way to go on this item.
____
LOVE. Love is pre-eminent in my life. I see all people through the eyes of Christ. I have a deep compassi6n for the lost, the lonely, the weak and the poor. I am magnanimous towards those who "get in my hair." I keep no record of wrongs. I give selflessly, sometimes till it hurts. I go the extra mile. I would rather forgive 20 injuries than avenge one. God always comes first.
____
JOY. People know me for my joyful disposition even when there is a cause to grieve. There is a contagious radiance about me because "the joy of the Lord is my strength." I remain strong and positive when things go wrong because I trust in God. I am quick to see the brighter side of things. I know that for my shattered plans, God has better plans. My contentment springs from the knowledge that God is sovereign and Jesus is coming, again.
____
PEACE. The peace of God rules my heart and mind. I stay calm in disturbing situations because my eyes are fixed on Jesus. With few exceptions (and I'm working on these) I enjoy wholesome and beautiful relationships all round. Whenever relationships are strained or fractured I take the initiative in moving toward healing and restoration. I can see the dark spots in my own life and am quick to confess them. I am willing always to pay the price of being a peace-maker in a world of bruised relationships.
____
PATIENCE. I never make hasty judgments or speak hasty words. I am not quick at jumping to conclusions. I am patient with people when they fail or fall. I face opposition and discouragement with composure. I never give up. I keep cool while others are hot. I am not irritable or easily angered. My "tolerance level" is extremely high. I can put up with a lot. I accept people for who they are and not for how they perform. When I confront others, they feel I do so because I care!
____
KINDNESS. People feel "love's touch" when they're around me. I am blessed with a M-I-L-D disposition (though, occasionally, I do turn that "M" upside down). I let God deal with the bitterness, anger and malice in my heart. A deep respect and consideration for others, coupled with a forgiving spirit, makes relating to people such a pleasure! The kindness of Jesus is seen in me.
____
GOODNESS. The goodness of God touches my life and then overflows into the lives of others. I am a caring person, a friend and neighbor to many. A genuine benevolence characterizes my life. When I see a need, I respond to it in the compassion of Christ. I am sensitive to the evil and suffering around, and seek to be an instrument of God's liberating touch. Uplifting the quality of people's lives is a major concern to me.
____
FAITHFULNESS. I make promises and keep them. I am a man of my word. People can count on me. There is no gap in what I say and what I do. Fidelity is the hallmark of my marriage and other commitments. I do not flirt with the world or with anyone. I am true to the Lord, to my spouse, to people, and to causes that God entrusts to me. They are all sacred to me!
____
MEEKNESS. I am willing "to go under" any yoke that God wants me to be SUBMISSIVE to God and to one another out of our mutual reverence for Christ. I freely and willingly accept all that God, in His providence, gives or withholds from me. I am willing to step "under the yoke" with Christ and my co-workers in kingdom service. I am willing to step aside when it is time to do so. I bring myself under the authority of Christ and His Church. I can "glory in my infirmities so that the power of God may be made manifest in me." I bear provocation without being inflamed by it. I give a soft answer when angry words are spoken. I respect my own rights and the rights of others, willing to give up mine if the Lord so guides me. I am a pro-actor not a reactor. I relate to others as one among sinners never arrogantly.
____
SELF-CONTROL. The key to my life is self-mastery. I am temperate in my thoughts, words, and actions. I live a disciplined life-in private and in public. I have complete mastery of my body, my mind, my emotions and will, my time, my possessions, my desires and appetites. I never lose control. I don't eat too much, drink too much, work too much, play too much, or sleep too much: no excesses whatever! Jesus is Lord over every area of my life!Rev. Neville Koch

Little Girl 4-7-10

2010-04-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

Do you want a little girl? I asked a guy friend. I had just watched Hannah Montana, and was laying on the couch dreaming of having my own little girl one day... Thinking of my friends little girl..."Nah".. was his reply. Dissapointment. No little girl? Thats no fun!! I sighed. Surrender. Lord, you know ins and outs of my future, there's nothing for me to worry about!!!

Thanks 4-7-10

2010-04-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the table tonight, showing my little sister how to crochet. No, I have never taught her before, my little brothers always had interest to learn, maybe more for attention from thier big sis than anything, but Abby never has.. until today.. When I showed her the sweet soft neon green color I had bought, and told her that she could make a purse with it.... then her eyes lit up, and she was willing to try. She learned quickly, and in no time was doing an awesome job, so I had pulled out the scarf I've been working on for one of my brothers. My dad came into the Dining room and pats me on the shoulder, teasing me about crocheting, I looked up at him and laughed, teasing him back. Lately its more and more often that I hear real laughter bubbling from my lips, and feel that free delight in my soul, something I don't remember since I was so young, sometimes I stop and wonder.. "what was that?" when it happens. I don't know what is changing, if its a work that the Lord is doing in my life that I can let loose and enjoy things again, or maybe its that my thyroid is working better now... I'm just amazed at the difference. I pray that it never goes back to how I was before! Nearly every day I see both my mom and dad at different times stop and look at me with this indistinguishable look in thier eyes, something like unbelief and joy. Today I heard my mom say when she was talking to an aunt on the phone, "I have MY SARAH back!!" This year I have rolled in the grass with my little siblings, willingly helped my little sister nearly every day that I am home with her chores, talked every day with my mom, without argueing with her, and daily I'm learning how to treat her with the respect she learns, and its not a battle any more. We are friends again. Not once this year have I shut myself alone in my apartment with alchohol, movies, and misery. I LOVE life!! Thank you so much Jesus!! I'm so grateful to you!!!

His Ways are Better

2010-04-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

I went out with some friends to the coffee house tonight. That was AFTER I did most of list of stuff I had to do first lol :D. I didn't think I would get all of it done!! I was so thankful my little/big brother Steve helped me out with the lights in my car! He's awesome at helping me out when I need help with my car and stuff. Even had time to get cleaned up for our date tonight. We had a great time, played a card game, and chatted. I've missed that set of friends, rarely see them now. It was so amazingly beautiful today! And tonight... after the sun had gone down... there is a soft breeze blowing, yet its warm enough still to have a comfy summer outfit on. The stars are so bright tonight, made me wish so much I had someone to sit out under them and chat with!! Ya Que.. I will trust, and I will not be afraid. His ways are better than mine.

List to self

2010-04-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

Lying in the grass for a nap
Wildfire Warriors walking back to the house
after the Fire Dept finally arrived and put out the fires....

List to self today.....

Get State Taxes finished and sent in...
Get a good shower...
Shave...
Pluck Eyebrows...
Fix the two tail lights and one front light
that were out in my car that the police
kept stopping me for.....
Call to get my windshield fixed.. .
before I get stopped for that again....
Download CD's onto our computer so I can
put them on my new MP3 player my
brothers got me for my birthday....
Hang out with my family...
Go out for my birthday with friends...
Say hi to Punk...
Look at the amazing stars in the sky tonight...
Be happy...

Happy Birthday Aaron!!

2010-04-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

After all the excitement from the afternoon, I never was able to get back to sleep! I went and got a shower, and got ready to go out for supper! Yes!! My little, not so little 13 year old brother has just turned 14... sniff... man they grow up fast. He came up to my apartment, seemed really nervous. I asked him if everything was ok, he nodded. I noticed that he had old tennis shoes on with his nice outfit and asked him if he had any nice shoes.. "No.." He shook his head and showed me money in his hand. "I wanna go look for some" His eyes asked me if it'd be ok.

"Sure!!" I grabbed my purse and we were off. We went to the theater first to see what was playing, and made a choice what movie he wanted to see, then headed to the Golden Corral, which he had wanted to eat at. When we pulled in tho, it was CROWDED... of course its friday night. "Lets go to Bob Evans!" He points to Bob Evans right next door. Thier parking lot was only half as full as Golden Corral's. We had just pulled in to Bob Evan's parking lot when I get a call from my brother Steve. "Hey! you at Golden Corral?" I explain to him that we were going to eat at Bob Evans. "Can I meet with you guys?" I look at Aaron, he had told me earlier he wanted it to be just me and him. "Is it ok with you?" He shrugged, "Ya, its fine."

We had a great supper, much better than it would have been at Golden Corral I am sure! lol, then we went to Payless. We walked in, and first thing we spotted two pair of shoes that we thought were cool. He tried on the one pair, he liked them, and I went exploring. I fell in love with this pair of American Eagle heels that went perfectly with the little black dress I had on. "Aaron, which ones??" I asked my little brother, I put on a black flat shoe with one of the heels on my other foot. "That one" he always chose the heels. So I went ahead and splurged. We visited Pier 1, had fun sneaking around there looking at furniture and fancy knicknacks. We went to walmart, then to the theater where we watched The Bounty Hunter. It was a great movie! Happy Birthday Aaron! :D.

The Great Fire of 2010

2010-04-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

Steps... coming up the stairs.. closer and closer, the door opens quietly, I hear somehow thru the fog. The steps come closer still, across the kitchen towards the bedroom door, then I hear a gentle knock. I groan inside thinking.. will I EVER get 8 straight hours of sleep? Mhmlmlm? I mutter, trying to force my eyes open. "Sarah!" My little sister opens my bedroom door and peeks in, "Sarah, can you come look out the window?"

You woke me up to ask me to look out the window???!! I wanted to say, but only a jarbled "mghmmlmm???" comes out as I managed to get my eyes open and look at my sis. Her face is white, and she looks scared... I better look out the window. My eyes are foggy and dry and I rub them as I climb out of bed and follow her to the kitchen window. I don't really see anything at first, then they focus.... There was a haze going all the way across the feild a few yards out from our yard... "What is it?" I manage to pronounce, finally actually getting something I wanted to say out.

"Its a wildfire." She says then goes into my bathroom. I stand there watching for a minute, I can see my brothers and my mom with shovels beating at flames and throwing dirt on top of smoldering corn stalks left over from last years harvest. My great uncles tractor and plow are racing across the field faster than I have ever seen a plow run. Two payloaders, run presumably by my Dad, and my Grandpa are scraping dirt just ahead of what looks like 5 to 6 foot flames being driven by the outrageous winds.

Suddenly I squint... the flames had been heading kitty corner across the field between ours and my granparents houses, but... now the wind had changed directions and I could see the flames heading towards our house.. YIKES!!! I watch only a moment more before throwing on a pair of jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and my tennies. "Abby, its coming toward the house! We might need to go help!!" She ran down the stairs to get her shoes on. With this wind... it wouldnt take it long to reach our dogs penned at the back edge of our yard!

When Abby and I get out into the yard we move aside as a yellow fire department truck speeds thru our back yard passed us and into the cloud of smoke. They had arrived just in time. With in about 10 minutes the cloud had nearly dissapated. Wisps of smoke rose from the ground nearly to our neighbors house, only blackened fields and smoldering cornstalks remained.

After reassuring Skyler, and Sally, our dogs who looked totally worried at the strong acrid smell of smoke as they sniffed the air, we made our way to where my brothers and a friend stood in a circle talking over what had happened near the fence line. We watched as the fire department worked hard spraying water over the feild, putting out any last sparks that could start more fires.

Our neighbors children had been told to start their trash, on one of the windiest days of spring. You could see that the fire had started a few yards out from the edge of thier property, and spread all the way across the feild to the fence line. In places it had jumped over. My mom told me that it only took about 10 minutes for the fire to travel that far because of the winds. We have had these fires before and had to put them out, nearly every year lately, but this one was the best of all! lol. Thank God for his protection and the quickness of the Bourbon Fire Dept!!

Words of a Wise Friend...

2010-04-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

One of my dear friends told me this one day, it helped me alot. He said "Well, don't give up, keep at it! Yeah, its not going to be easy, but you just have to stick with it!

Serendipitous

2010-04-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated. ...

An unsought, unintended, and/or unexpected discovery and/or learning experience that happens by accident and sagacity

serendipitous - By serendipity; by unexpected good fortune; Good, beneficial, favorable, etc.the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for.

This morning I watched Serendipity the movie, even tho they talk alot of fate, and destiny, we could also take the random happenings in their story.... as God's hand in thier life. May all my loved ones lead Serendipitous lives!! :-D Live, and let God....

Pills!!!

2010-04-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

Its a struggle... every day.... I hate diets, but this was the longest stretch that I had done the best on any diet, as long as I can remember. I'd done my diet pretty faithfully for over a month before getting down and giving up for about 6 days. I truly feel better when I am doing the diet! I have kept up on taking all the vitamin supplements that were advised for me, which is good too, but I know, still... the vitamins without the diet, just don't do the full job! I was taking Magnesium, only to find out that it was the wrong kind!! So I switched to the right kind, I was taking a Metagenics multivitamin, and it seemed to help, it had mostly the right kindof vitamins in it, then my mom mentioned that you are supposed to take 6 of those horse pills a day!! YIKES!!! lol!! There was no way.. thinking about it I decided that it would be cheaper to just buy the things that I needed the most, and take them all seperate. So mom came home from her class one night, she has mentioned many many times that I must have a low thyroid, so I should maybe be taking Iodine, she learned how to do this patch test with Iron Tincture that would tell if I needed it or not, if the patch is off ur skin within 16 hours, it shows that you are low in Iodine, therefore showing that your Thyroid is not working properly. So having done the test, and shown that she was right, the patch was gone within a few hours... I went to the Health food store to get Iodine, but its not regular Iodine, its a special kind.. I started with 1/2 pill every other day, and now I have worked up to 1 full pill every day. Then I realized that the Selenium I get in the multivitamin is not enough for taking Iodine, when you take Iodine you have to take at least 200 mcg a day. So I went back to the health food store and bought Selenium, and now I take 2 of those a day. Mom says that I was grumpy because I needed B12, and other B vitamins.. so I started taking my B vitamin complex.. BUT... the only place you can find the right kind of B12 vitamins around here.. is.. at Zales.. again, that Pharmacy in Warsaw. So, back I went, to get a B12 pill, the other kinds of B vitamins in the Complex were the right kinds!! But not the B12.. ha.. what a joke! So I have been taking Fish Oil, but it HAS to be a special kind, not just any fish oil will do the job correctly! lol, So.... we go to the Health food store for that too!! Well, another vitamin that she learned about, that is very important and ppl don't know much about.. is.... Vitamin D!! Hum.. How does one know if he/she is low on Vitamin D??? Well, one of the symtoms can be depression... BUT the only way to know for sure is to get a blood test done... so for the first time in my life I went with my mom to the Wellness Center where they do periodical VD tests, and had blood drawn. Yep.... a good number for VD is about 80-90, mine is at about 25, and my mom's was even worse.. at about 15! :S... so.... mom called the Dr right away, and faxed her the paper work, and had her perscribe vitamin D to us. The only thing was... once she talked to the lady teaching this class, the vitamin D that was perscribed doesn't absorb well, even though we were perscribed 50,000 mg 2 times a week!!! it is D2, and the kind you REALLY need is a D3.. Yikes!! She said that Dr's don't really research so much about the different vitamins that are the BEST for you usually. So.. I guess today I am going to stop at Zales again.. and try to find the correct kind of Vitamin D. Wow... but! One thing is for sure, I have been almost 100% happier since I started taking these things and trying to eat healthy!! Which, if my Thyroid, V B12, and V D were all really low.... and now they are working better, that could be a HUGE reason why! Mom tells me that I seem like a totally different person now, than what I was before, and that I am much more emotionally stable than I was.. I can tell, and I am so thankful to you Lord for helping mom and I be healthier!! I pray that you will continue to be our strength to continue!! IJN, Amen

Thursday, April Fools Day

2010-04-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

I hear the slap of my feet on the linoleum floor, and I look down at my toes... poor toes I think ruefully, they are so swollen, which is the reason I have parted momentarily with my usually comfortable Skecher Crocs. I climb the stairs for the 12 th time tonight and check each of the girls in the 5 bedrooms before bouncing down the stairs. My left hand runs along the smooth banister until I hit the bottom. Many times I have thought about the many stories this old house could tell if it could speak. This banister just isn't ANY banister, but the width of the stairs, and the care that was taken to fashion the scrolling trim that follows the stair case upstairs, the large rounded Post at the bottom with fancy trim on the top, all speak of a rather wealthy family who might have resided here maybe a hundred years ago, or maybe even more!

Who knows! The other day they took down the magnificent fir trees in the front yard, they had been gorgeous trees, providing many summers of shade and enjoyment I am sure, I stopped to count the rounds in the tree stump, curious about how many years old it may be. "Are you a boy scout??" One of my friends pulled her car up near the little hill where I stood counting the rounds on the tree trunk... I laughed "Nah, I was just wondering how old this tree is.. I am gonna miss these trees so much..." I looked out over the yard.."Looks so bare without them, so sad" She agreed with me before pulling out and waving good bye. I had stopped at 41, I began counting again. 71, 72, 73, 74, 75... WOW.. 75 years this tree had been growing to be the glorious landmark it had been. I wanted to cry. I saw the tree after they had cut all the branches off, it had to have been about 60-70 feet tall, much taller than the two story house where I worked is. Now it lay scattered across the yard in many large pieces, much bigger around than I.

I grabbed my tea as I passed the kitchen tables, and went into the semi dark Living room where I had been watching Serendipity before one of my girls had come down the stairs, those gorgeous old stairs, and asked for her meds, and to get her breakfast. " I missed you Miss Lemler!" Were the first words out of her mouth, I had smiled back at here, " I missed you to!" It was the truth too. Well, now its time for the other girls to be up, and I had better be ready to give some attention.

Speak to me!

2010-03-12T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired.... lol, but GOOD!! Work has been really frustrating me to no end lately, and I had to actually face some battles I have been running from for over a year now, when my friend Punk asked me some questions about us. I was doing this diet, but was getting discouraged with myself, and wasn't sticking to it, when I heard the Lord's soft voice speaking to me, are you surrendering everything Sarah Leigh? EVERYTHING? I thought back over what this last year has brought to me... ya, I've surrendered alot up this last year... but then, No, I wasn't surrendering everything when I was fighting about what I wanted to eat... so.. that voice continued, Give me all of you Sarah Leigh... I want you, I want to make you and mold you to be just like me. Then when my dear friend told me when we went to have coffee, about a vision of hands, shaping something on a potter's wheel, something goes wrong, then squishing it back down, and starting over, building it up again to be what He wants it to be, until He finally gets the perfected finished product. Wow.. many many things this week God has used to speak to me, somehow guiding me, and teaching me... I love it! Please never stop talking to me Lord!! I love you!

Life, as it is. Happy

2010-02-28T10:16:00.000-08:00

Its a good life. Thank God I'm alive to hear the little pops outside my window, take a walk outside when the sun's out, breath in the fresh air, to enjoy a bite of dirt pudding with my family, and to take my girls to the mall on the weekends. Thank God I have the most wonderful friends in the world who love me!! And thank God for my dear friend punk, who makes me laugh, and talks with me when I'm lonely and bored! LOL :-D Life couldn't be much better!

Spa

2010-02-28T10:02:00.001-08:00

Its soo good to be home! It was great to be on vacation, but its great to be home again too. The other day I got to spend the day with some friends, and got to occupy one of thier little boys while they shopped for school supplies. He is the cutest little guy!

My mom, sister, friend, and I went to a "Spa". It was alot of fun, we got to try nearly all the products, and have an arm massage. When we were done we all felt very pampered!

I missed my girls while I was gone, its good to be back at work!

The Journey Home. February 19, 2010

2010-02-22T20:24:00.000-08:00

Maryland, Snowy, Miserable but Beautifully White
Lots of Snow when I entered West Virginia still...

I didn't hear my alarm go off.

I woke up and blinked at the alarm clock at the side of the bed, seemed so weird to be in Ana's house without her there, 3:34 am... wow... its late! I had planned to leave earlier than that! I jumped out of bed stumbling with sleepyness and stretched..WAKE UP SARAH LEIGH!!! I had packed everything the night before, so all I had to do was wash my teeth, brush my face, grab my purse and a couple other items, and say goodye to the little yellow house.

After I climbed in my car I consulted my maps to be sure of where I was headed, then as I pulled out onto the little windy road, I prayed for protection over me and my car, that the ride home would be a smooth one.

The ride was great, until I was in Maryland, and falling alseep so bad, about 4:00 am that I thought I might find a McDonalds and sleep a bit, when I pulled off the highway onto the ramp, I discovered that there was a ton of snow on the road, and the wind was blowing the snow like a frozen hurricane on that mountainside! I turned around and headed back to the highway, where the roads were alittle clearer. After a few close calls, and white outs, I drove as carefully as I could until I saw the welcoming sign of a McDonalds, and pulled off. Thankfully finding the bathroom I freshened up a little, and was contemplating getting some breakfast when a dude walks into the bathroom shouting.. "hello!" Just as quickly his eyes widened and he turned around and walked out again. I laughed to myself. When I went out he was seated at the closest table and he apologized. I told him it was ok, he was just going to do some cleaning. We chatted for awhile, then he got me a couple sausage egg breakfast wraps. I found a nice little booth that was kinda hidden, and fell asleep for about a half hour. I woke up, it was pretty light out, should I take off again? I did, and before too long I had entered West Virginia, the snow tapered off, and the sun came out, It was turning out to be a beautiful day!

The day passed quickly, I sang, stopped whenever I felt like it to visit walmart. At one walmart I decided, after struggling to see out of my windshield that I was going to buy some new windshield wipers, and put them on my car. I was shivering in the cold trying to figure out how in the world you get the crazy things off when a really nice man came up and helped me figure it out. He was tall, with red hair, balding just a bit. After he left I managed to get the other one on, and was on my way again! Man was it cold out there tho!! Whew!

I was almost to Warsaw Indiana, when I get a call from my little big brother, Steve, "Can you come give me a jump??? Hum... I'll give ya a call when I get close to home, and see if you still need one ok?" I was in Warsaw Indiana, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when my little sister told me on the phone that mom and dad might be at Applebees, and that my little brother was making me supper so I could eat when I got home. I stopped and drove around the parking lot of applebees tho, looking for mom and dad's van, no such luck, they were prolly at walmart or something having a blast shopping, and I was exhausted, I kept heading toward home. I stopped at Steve's, and gave him a jump, gave him and Tom big hugs.. felt so good to be home.

When I got home the kids were so happy to see me, and I was so happy to see them, they helped me pull everything out of my car, it was wonderful to get unpacked. We ate supper of Macaroni and Cheese.. :-D Which my brothers burned the cheese sauce to the first time around, and I had to show them how to use velveeta to make it again lol... I love my little brothers. Somewhere in there I remember falling alseep on the couch amidst my family talking around me, then nothing... I was out. I was HOME.

Shoes, Cup, and Cork Club

2010-02-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

The awesomest Chandelier!!! :D
MMM MMM good!! and so purty!

The name of the Coffee Shop

We got into the car and headed for the Winery, we were chatting away, when Ana says, oh.. its 4:15, do you think we will even have time to do any tasting before they start closing up? Usually they close the Wine bar 15 minutes at least before the actual closing time. I called the Winery, yup, they said the Wine bar closes at 4:45. RATS! Oh well, What to do now? Ana knew of a little coffee shop in Leesburg that she had been wanting to try, so, not willing to turn down a cup of coffee and the awesome atmosphere of a coffee house, of course I agreed that we definately needed to check out the Shoes, Cup, and Cork Club.

It was the sweetest little place! Very unique, they had old shoe making contraptions sitting in the window, along with what I believe might have been a cobblers bench. We walked in, and who was sitting there reading a paper or something but the young bar tender we had met at The Wine Kitchen the night before!! We were sitting, chatting away when I looked up and did a double take... was that boots hanging from the ceiling???? Yep, it was...

There was a couple, maybe thier second date that settled to our left, between us and the bartender guy, and they were talking and laughing away, definately seeming to hit it off, there were two teenage girls, one with a mouthful of braces discussing whatever teenage girls can discuss so passionately, and a few other people at the other tables in the room.

Soon enough we decided we were getting hungry, so we headed home, and made taco dip!! yummy! The evening was pretty quiet, I think we were both dreading the coming goodbye. At about ten o clock pm Ana took me to the little parking lot to get my car, and helped me load it up with my stuff then we stood looking at each other, both fighting back tears... "I always hate this part!!!" Ana said, and we both laughed as we hugged and said good bye. She left, I headed back to her house to sleep a few hours then start off early in the morning for home.

February 18, 2010

2010-02-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

An old barn!

New Haircut...

The cutest little house!

An office building! Gorgeous!

My last day in Virginia I spent at the Outlet Mall for a long while, speed shopping thru the other half of the stores, that Ana and I hadn't covered before. By about 2:00 pm I was getting pretty tired, I'm not a hard core shopper usually lol. So I decided to set out in search of a Hair place. The girl in Claire's had kindly pointed me North saying, somewhere over there is one... lol. So I went "over there" I found a Walmart, and I thought maybe there would be a salon in the Walmart, but it didn't seem to be that way. On my way out of the parking lot, I noticed that there was a place called A cut Above (I think). So I decided to take a chance and try it out. I went in, and every worker there was foriegn, and there was even an older man cutting a man's hair. I asked how much a cut would cost and the lady told me, I thought it wasn't too bad, so I waited. They led me to the back, washed my hair, which I had just washed that morning, but oh well, and then pointed me toward the man's seat. Huh? I was alittle freaked out, a GUY cutting my hair??? Never done that before!!! I swallowed my fear, and told myself that he wouldn't be working there unless he had a talent, and took the seat offered.

He asked me what I would like done with my hair, and I asked him to make bangs, and layer it, and please take off the split ends that have been driving me nuts. "Oh, you want a bang.. we make a bang for you" He smiled and nodded. "I take off this much? This ok?" He held his comb about two inches above the bottom of my hair, I nodded.. Whatever it takes to get rid of the split ends.. And he started chopping. I watched carefully how he styled my bangs, not having seen any one use a blow dryer before to style them, and liking the way they turned out, decided to go buy me one of those round brushes so I could copy the style myself. I wasn't so sure about the way he straightened it all.... I paid him, and gave him a generous tip wondering if he was supporting a family on this income.

He finished just in time! It was about 3:30, so I headed over to where Ana works, I was supposed to meet her so that we could head over to the Winery for a tour. We planned it that way, becuz the winery closed at 5, so to go we would have to leave from Leesburg. It took awhile for her to get out of her meeting, so I took a walk, the sunshine was gorgeous that day, and I wanted to get the most of it! lol, I walked down the road a ways, I had seen some really neat buildings, some of which didn't look like they were being used, So I went and checked them out. Later Ana told me that they were going to eventually use all of them, restore them, and use them for school buildings! This isn't common in Indiana.. usually we just tear down old buildings... I like the thought of using whatever we got :) Lotta history in them old barns!

Evening on the town

2010-02-18T05:59:00.000-08:00

Pajama Party!!

At The Wine Kitchen

Glass of Wine at the Wine Kitchen in Leesburg

Last course.. Creme Brule and Espresso at The Eiffel Tower

At the Eiffel Tower

Roses on the Table... French Waiter

The table setups at The Eiffel Tower

Ready to go!

Ready for the night out

I went shopping at Kohls for awhile, then went to starbucks and watched people come and go, and wrote for awhile, it was so nice!!! Then Ana called, she was out of work, so we met at the Outlet Mall down the street from there, and walked around till our noses and ears were frozen.

We went home and put on our makeup and got prettied up for the night. We went to a little french restaurant calle The Eiffel Tower, it was sooo neat, we walked in, and the waiter pulled the table out for Ana, who was sitting on a booth against the wall, then pushed it in, and held out my chair for me to sit down. He had the sweetest french accent, I loved it when he said Fillet Mignon.. lol. Sounded so cool. We both had sparkling water and put lime in it, then he brought us a "pallate teaser" of little peices of toast with Anchovie dip on top. Then he brought us our next course of Soup/Salad, I had a cream of Tomato soup, and Ana had a ceasar salad. Our next course was a codfish baked with a creamy parmesan sauce and a special rice.. can't remember the name... but it was really good, creamy stuff, and asparagus. Soo yummy.. the most ever spent on a meal.. but it was really neat. For Dessert we had Creme Brule with Espresso.. sooooo yummy, man alive, I am so inlove lol.

After we got done there we headed over to meet Ana's boyfriend who was waiting for us at a little wine bar five minutes away called The Wine Kitchen. It was the sweetest little place, we sat at the bar, sipped wine and chatted with the owner. Loved that place, I'd definately go back to that one.

Ready

2010-02-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

Ready to go out

February 16, 2010

2010-02-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

AWESOME SNOW!!!
7:30 am Sunrise

We woke up pretty early, the sunrise was so beautiful. Ana got ready for work, then we got into her car, she took me to where my car was parked. Along the way we saw a whole family of deer cross the road. I didn't know there was such a thing as one lane bridges!! lol, but here there is! You have to yeild to oncoming traffic. Good thing Ana pointed this out to me, or I mighta just been driving through not thinking about it!! :D. The day was so gorgeous, I revelled in the sunshine, Ana's little home is mostly windows, so I enjoyed my day in the sunshine while catching up my blog. As the day passed, I began to get a really bad headache, even after taking some meds. By the time Ana called me to tell me that she was off work I was seriously feeling sick, laying down on her bed. I made myself get up and put on makeup, get ready so that we could hang in the evening tho. She texted me about 5:00 and said she was ready to meet me at the post office, so I drove over, and we switched cars again. We came home, Ana had brought me some Coconut Oil, I have never heard of this, but she told me to warm it up and rub some on my tummy where it was hurting, so I did, and it helped immensely!! Sweet! We made the yummiest pasta dish!! Shrimp, wheat noodles, peas, onions, celery, Tomatos, then mix it all together with a couple Tablespoons Olive Garden Italian Dressing, and a little Feta Cheese.. mmmm mmm good! After Supper I was feeling alot better, so we left to go to Ana's work, but we were stopped by a car that had tried to jump the 5 foot drift on the side of the street, and alot of cars were stopped, blocking traffic. Ana was afraid to turn around, because of the drifts on either side of the road, but finally we decided we'd better, or we might be there for awhile. She made it with flying colors!! LOL, but she was yelling at the oncoming truck... STOP!! STOP!!! I'm here!! lol. We went back to the house to look for alternative routes, but decided to try the other way again, and it was all clear, we could see the huge marks in the snow where the car had jumped up onto the snow drifts.. Ana said that Virginia people really don't know how to drive in Snow.. I think she may be right. We went into Leesburg and parked behind this tiny little chiropracters office. We snuck in the back door, and she showed me around the old building. I love all the old buildings out here!! I swept all the floors, while she did the dusting, and cleaning, then we drove around Leesburg awhile looking at all the little shops and stuff, Leesburg is really a darling town!! We got a movie at Red Box, then came home, it was already getting late, but we made parfaits with sf pudding, toasted Coconut, and nuts, and Whipped Topping.. with Cinnamon on top.. it was SSSOOO yummy!! We had a pajama party and ate our Parfaits, then I fell asleep while she was doing something.. lol.. I felt like an old person, but I was so tired. I slept so well all night, then about 7 I woke up to hear Ana moving around trying to be quiet. TIME TO GET UP!!! lol I laid there for awhile, thinking about life. I have been hoping to hear from a good friend, to hang out, but I haven't really. I am guessing I won't get to see this person this visit, and it makes me kinda sad, but I know the ppl God has in my life in each moment is who He wants in it, so I will try to trust Him. I looked at my phone, 7:28, yep, better move.. why not make some breakfast? hmmm... Ana only had alittle applesauce for breakfast yesterday.... I got up, and threw on a sweater, and started exploring the kitchen. Made some eggs and toast, with an orange. Simple, but I knew it might hold over better than applesauce would. We did the whole car swapping thing again today, so that I would have a vehicle today. I think I might get off here and go do the dishes and get cleaned up, and maybe go back to Leesburg to explore, or go drive out in the country side.... You never know what today holds...

Home Sweet Virginia

2010-02-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

Supper
The finished Product
Little spices
Sauted

Slice and Dice

I stumbled out of the car, staring at Ana like I had never seen her before, so tired, I couldn't even think of anything to say to her. We got back into our vehicles and left, she led, and I followed, through town, then out into the country on a narrow twisty, curvy road. We stopped in a little parking area for the local post office, and transfered my suitcase to her car. I barely registered when we came to a gorgeous yellow house with White trim. I got all moved in, then laid down, I slept for about 2 hours, it felt so good. When I woke up she was making supper. We chatted while making supper, it was really nice, had a glass of wine with our chicken veggie soup, and toast, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Then had a nice hot shower, and felt all warm and fuzzy outside too! :D. I slept well that night! Only waking once about 2 oclock when my sugars got low.

7:28 PM, Wined, Dined, Brushed, Washed, Total Relaxation.

The Journey

2010-02-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

6:59 pm On my way North!!

1:00 am South Carolina

I was determined to make it into North Carolina before stopping to sleep, at about 2:00 AM I was nearly to the NC boarder, but was really tired, so I stopped to go to the B-room, and walk around a bit. I noticed there were about 7 other cars parked there sleeping, so I parked in the middle of them, pulled out my blanket and slept until I woke up, about 4:00 am. I was really out of it, but I got back on the highway. Once the sun started coming up I was good to go.

Just South of North Carolina there was a restaurant called South of the Border...

5:00 am.

I took this picture in the North Carolina Welcome Center, when I passed Raliegh North Carolina area I sent a message to a friend, I knew his parents lived close by, if you are in NC I'm passing you and waving!!! WOO HOO!

9:00 am

YES!! I made it to Virginia!!!

Somewhere in there I was getting really low on gas, so I decided to stop at the next town, but they only had 1 gas station there, so I decided to keep on going to the next town. "Ahhh, I can make it!" Hummm.. right. I get to the town, there are about 5 gas stations, so I am happy, but somehow I made a wrong turn, and ended up back on 95 going south, back toward the town I had just passed. Oh No!!! I was almost positive I didn't have enough gas left to get me back to that town... :S. I was on the ramp into town when the car started slowing down. I began to pray... "oh God please..." I looked for the BP station that had been advertised on the highway, it wasn't near. Kitty corner from the stop was a different one. I looked both ways, a semi was coming on my right, but it was going pretty slow, and if I let my car stop, I knew it wouldn't keep going.... so I kept it floored, and somehow I managed to get it up that ramp, thru the stop sign, (without stopping) across the street to the other side and it rolled to a complete stop in front of the closest pump. My heart was beating so wildly. What if I had been on the highway?? I know there was an angel pushing my car up that ramp!!!

I stopped for some protein at a BK about 2 hours b4 I got to Ana's, washed my face, and tried to get some energy. There were two girls there that I made friends with and chatted to while they were on thier breaks.

As I drove thru Warrenton I was flooded with memories of when I was here last time. I was getting so excited, but I knew I was about exhausted, just gotta keep going.. alittle farther. The abundant snow was magnificent on the hills tho, every turn of the road brought new and better pictures into my view. I love it!!!

1:00 pm Arrived in Purcellville Virginia

I pulled into the Giant Grocery store in Purcellville, I felt like my brain was a lifeless lump of mush. After calling Ana I fell asleep in my car until she knocked on my car window, making me jump about a mile.

I made it....

February 14th VALENTINES DAY!!

2010-02-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

Sunday was SUCH a beautiful day!!
Ate lunch at Cici's Pizza
Grandpa and I
Noah and I
Grandma and I

Ready for Church Sunday Morning!!

At Grandma and Grandpa's church the worship leader is WONDERFUL!! I totally enjoyed his playing and singing. I coulda listened and sang along all day!! We met some really sweeeet ppl! After church a young lady, I think she might have been a little autistic, came up to me and told me she was going to keep me.. lol, she kept giving me hugs, and talking to me about stuff. She was fun.

So, yesterday after church we went to Cici's Pizza and stuffed ourselves- TOTALLY!! It was really good. I think I remember the guy that was at the counter, seems like he was there the year b4 too. Reminded me of Ben Hershburger alot.

After Grandpa got his cinnamon rolls, we left there and went home where we took pictures. The day was actually WARM! It was so awesome out. I packed most of my stuff, then went outside and layed in the yard, soon Noah, Grandma, then Grandpa joined me, and we talked and goofed off. Grandma's friend Pauline came over, she is from North Carolina and has the most AWESOME accent! LOL. She sounded just like one of my girls, that one guy talked alittle like that too. She told some stories about her childhood, how there were 12 people in a 2 bedroom home, she had 8 sisters I think, and one brother. After she left a couple that lives across the street from Gma's came, they were really nice ppl also!

I sat in the sun for little over an hour, then went in and tried to take a nap, all I could think about was my trip up to Ana's, and think about that guy that I'm trying not to love any more. The thoughts were just whirling around in my head and I knew I'd better just give up on sleeping, so I finished packing, walked to the store with granpa and Noah, helped gma make salads for supper, then ate with them, and said goodbye. I got into my car, bowed my head, and prayed for protection, when I finished praying, I looked up and through the tears in my eyes saw Grandma watching me out the front window of thier trailer. Then the journey began.....

Around Gma and Gpa L's

2010-02-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

Noe, Latte's and computer at Mcd's
Yo, writing in my Journal

Walking to my FAVE McDonalds in the world!

Grandpa playing Zuma

Noe, playing Zuma

February 13, 2010, Saturday

2010-02-16T09:01:00.000-08:00

Noah's awesomely huge cheeseburger!!!

Gma and Gpa L at the 2 Minute Restaurant

Two minute man

Noah Lee and I at 2 Min Restaurant

Today was a WONDERFUL day!!! We got breakfast, I still had tears on my face from crying about that guy when I went out to eat. Grandma had made us eggs and toast, it was REALLY good. After breakfast got a shower, felt SO SO SO good. Put on makeup, then we went to walmart to get grandpa's meds. I helped grandma pick out a belt too. She's tired of her jeans falling around her hips... hee hee.

After that we got in the van, and Gpa took us to the 2 minute restaurant. I got to meet the 2 minute man!! Woo hoo! Been wanting to meet him since Grandma told Ana and I about him last year. He's a little chinese guy, doesn't speak very good english. :). The food was WONDERFUL! I got fried haddock, Noah had a HUGE cheeseburger.. lol.

When we finished we were all SO full, ready for naps, but we piled into the van, and went to Lakeland Mall. It was HUGE!! WOW! Noah said that Grandma and I were in JcPenny's for 2 hours. I don't know, but we got some good deals. She got 2 pr. shorts, and some bra's and a nice top. I was just having fun, but I've been wanting a nice dress for a LONG time. I saw a couple and grabbed them to try on, when Gma and I were waiting to try on stuff a lady came by and put her unwanted dresses on the rack, she looked about my size, so I picked up some of the dresses she'd had, and they were 16's, so I tried a couple of them too. I didnt think they'd fit cuz whenever I've tried size 16 b4 they were all too small. Today, the first white dress was SO gorgeous! It was hard to zip at the top. Heh, I could have worn it, but woulda been pretty self conscious of the low cut in front. Just to busty I guess. :P. The next dress looked nice on me, but I wasn't wowed by it, but it fit! The next was teal, and looked SO pretty! It fit perfectly. I was shocked! The next was all black, was cute, but I wasn't in love with it. Fit really well tho. I didn't know which to choose! DUDE! its been so long since dresses like that fit me. I got the teal one with a black thing to wear over it. Its so pretty. I can't wait to wear it! I just got back from Walmart looking for shoes to wear with it, but no such luck... :(. I'm really tired.. sigh

We came back from Lakeland, Noah and I walked over to McDonalds for awhile, I bought us SF vanilla Latte's, they weren't half bad :). Came home, ate supper, played games- Grandpa is totally HOOKED on ZUMA! I'm so glad I got it for them. LOL. He is so funny. He really gets into things, he sits and watches Noah play and giggles to himself every once in awhile! lol.

Well, Punk has been talking to me alot since I've got IM on my phone. Today I talked to Jeff, and Chris too! =) What fun! Punk told me tonight that he wished he were here with me playing games and hanging out tonight. Hmmm... I can tell Valentines day is tomorrow, all the guys are lonely. Me too.. sigh

February 12, 2010 Friday

2010-02-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

The sunset on the way back north to Gma and Gpa L's

Noah and Grandpa at the restaurant we went to.
Grandma and I at the restaurant we went to

Grandpa and I at church

The restaurant we took Gma and Gpa to for supper

We passed this truck on the way south to Avon Park

Grandpa in the gazebo by the lake

The little lake in Avon Park where Gma and Gpa live

Grandpa, Grandma, and I in front of thier trailer

So, last night was a ton of fun. We ate supper with Gma and Gpa, then we played Phase 10, and Greedy together. Watched Chuck for awhile, but I was SOOO tired. :-s. I went to bed b4 even Grandpa did.

Today we got up early and left for Gma and Gpa T's. We got there in about exactly 2 hours. It was fun, mostly listened to stories the whole time. Went for a walk around the camp ground, ate sandwiches and macaroni salad for lunch, then we went to meeting. After that we sang together for awhile, and talked more till it quit pouring rain, then Noah and I took them out to eat at Olympic, a really nice restaurant close by thier campground. I got fried fish and Mashed Potatoes with gravy, pretty good stuff!! I hope that Grandpa's sugars will be ok tho, he got the same thing I did. Both he and Grandma seem to be aging alot. :(. He isn't able to walk very well any more, bu he's still really funny. I recorded alot of the stories he and Grandma told on my phone. Maybe I can type them out some day. They were sad to see us leave, but I was so tired by 8:00 when we got home to Gma and Gpa L's.

Grandma was writing her addresses and putting them in her new address book. :) She asked me to sign it. She made it to the F's before stopping for the night. She helped me figure out how to get up to Ana's. YAY!! so excited to be going up there!~ Then she showed me all her pictures that she had on her computer till I was about to fall asleep. I really am SOO exhausted and I don't know how, or when, I'm gonna catch up on sleep. I'd better use the internet tomorrow to search for a hotel in Purcellville for Sunday or Monday night, whichever day I go up there.

2010-02-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

Plant City!! Love that Strawberry Shortcake!!! WOOHOO!!

We left and went to Plant City! We ate at the Wendy's there in town, then went down to get Strawberry shortcake! Yummy!!! I got Ana a strawberry plant, and a magnet that had a picture of the place and Shortcake on it. =). Its not as good as the real thing, but hope she likes it. Well, I'm really tired, gonna see if I can take a nap.

Mickey D's

2010-02-16T08:04:00.000-08:00

Noah and I at McDonalds...

Grandma is telling someone on the phone about her grandshildren who are here visiting, telling them that I am going to be 28... YIKES! I'm so old.

Well, today woke up about the same time, ate breakfast-cheerios!! :) Got a shower and "purtied" up. Noah and I walked over to the Soliel cafe, they closed their doors on December 31st due to the economy. =(. So we walked over to McDonalds and Noah got on the internet for awhile, while i wrote in my journal. We were there for a couple hours.

REAL HOMEMADE FRIED CHICKEN!!!

2010-02-16T07:48:00.001-08:00

Grandma made fried Chicken, mmmmmmm YUM!! I think its the first time I've ever had REAL homemade fried chicken!! It was SO good! Grandma made Noah and I leave the supper dishes and go hang out, we had a plan.. hee hee :). Grandma and Grandpa love playing Bejeweled. .Grandma was looking for more games like that to download onto her computer. We went to Barnes and Noble and got her a nice address book, she had told me that she needed one. I also got a new journal, cuz one of my girls used the last pages of my last journal :)

We didn't find any games there, so we went to home depot. There were a couple and the guy said they would work with gmas computer. Then we went to Walmart and got them a DVD player so they can watch DVD's now, and Noah figured out how to hook it up, and showed Gma :) YAY!! We also got Grandma Zuma, which I used to have on my phone, and I loved it!

On the way home from Walmart, we stopped at DQ and got ice cream. :) Strawberry Cheesequake! YUM!

February 10, 2010

2010-02-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

Slept as long as I could- HA! :-P Grandpa turns the TV on appx. 7:28 every morning lol. Got up, helped grandma make waffles, they didn't turn out too well LOL, only becuz we didn't have pam, and they stuck. :-( They still tasted yummy tho!!

11:18 am Enjoying sunshine and Flip Flops!

Its been about *60 in the middle of the day here. About like last years trip, BUT the sun feels good! I sat out in the sunshine (in my hoodie.. lol) reading my book for awhile. We got ready, and went to TACO BELL for lunch. When we got there it was CROWDED!! Hardly even standing room! We placed our order, the girl at the counter was really nice, but there were NO tables!! So grandma went and got us one, snuck it as soon as some ppl left. Noah and I were waiting for our orders, he had ordered after me, so I was expecting my order first. There was a blonde lady standing with a bag, and I saw her walk out with it and I though, man, I don't remember seeing her order....

Noah got his order, then someone else got thiers, and I was still waiting. So I asked the girl at the counter if they had called my number yet, she said yes, they had. She checked on it then told me " I think your order was FOODNAPPED!!" 8-O.... They were really nice about it though, and remade my order for me for free.

We got a table right beside an older couple who are from Michigan. The man had been a Choir Director for about 36 years!! He even knew about Conn Selmers in Elkart. He was a real jokster reminded me alittle of Gpa T, but I think Gpa is nicer. :). His wife was really sweet.

When we finished there we went to walmart and got some things- PAM for waffles :-D.

We walked into the trailer, and Grandma found a note from "Someone" Saying they had stopped by on thier way back to nappanee, heh, it about drove Gma crazy that they hadn't put thier name on the note. LOL. She called around to everyone she could think of trying to figure it out. She finally found out it was someone from thier church I think. So funny.

Noah and I took a little walk over to DG, and I made him stop at the music store, even tho he didn't want to.. :D. On the way back to Gpa's we saw the cutest cat, but it wasn't very friendly.
:(

Grandma was leaving to go to curves when we were walking up, so I jumped in the van with her, and we went to work out together. The lady was really nice, and let me work out for free. It felt REALLY good! Grandma and I went to Beall's and looked at shoes. She ended up getting some really cute sandals. There was this guy over in men's shoes, but I didn't even pay any attention! I was just havin fun trying on shoes, lol. I went over to the chairs to try some on when he followed me over and started talking to me. He was REALLY handsome. I talked to him for alittle while, but grandma had left, and was paying, so I told him "take care!"
and walked away. Kinda freaked me out! guys at home just DON'T ever do that to me!!

Anyways, Noah and I have been sitting here at my FAVE mcdonalds in the world:). for about 2 hours I think, and he is ready to go. Later!

Tease!

2010-02-16T06:40:00.000-08:00

Grandpa trying to steal Grandma's diet soda... such a tease!

It felt SOO good to fall asleep, I had gone about 36 hours with only 1 hour of sleep.

When we got to FL....

2010-02-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

I felt so grimy and smelly when we got here! I didn't even wanna give G-ma a hug! LOL, hadn't shaved in forever too. (why shave?) lol. I jumped in the shower almost as soon as we got to gma and gpa's. Ahhh.. felt so good...

Watching Grandma's show.. The biggest loser.

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 7:43 PM

2010-02-16T06:23:00.000-08:00

HOME SWEET FLORIDA!!! now.... Shower and sleep!

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 3:26 pm

2010-02-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

Just Entered Florida!! So tired!! Noah is driving here, he drove about the last half of Georgia, then we switched when we got into FL. We took 41 WAY too early and were headed back North When we entered Lake City, I called Grandma and she said " YOU WANNA BE SOUTH of lake city hun!!" LOL, so we turned around, and got back on 75 once we figured out where we were. After that was pretty uneventful, we got to Zephyrhills no problem, ate at Arby's, cuz it was getting pretty late. While we were there an older man came up and asked how our food was :D. LOL, Noah thought that he might have seen him B4, but he wasn't sure.

On the way to out to the car Noah comments "If I was Granpa, I'd come hold your door open for you!" I laughed, "Ya, but I'm not your wife either. " :-)

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 1:16 PM

2010-02-16T06:11:00.001-08:00

We stopped to get gas, it was SOO beautiful! Still dreary tho. :-P

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 8:09 am

2010-02-16T06:04:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THE MOUNTAINS!!!

We were in Tennessee

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 3:29 am

2010-02-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

Finally made it thru the snow in Kentucky! We got into the storm at about Louisville Kentucky, and were traveling as slow as 20 mph in cerain areas. At about Bowling Green we finally were able to take off- snow and slush turned into pouring rain...

I drove till we were about 60 miles from Chattanooga Tennesee, lil Noah sleepin beside me most of the time. About 5:15 am I couldn't see straight any more. I kept waiting for a rest stop to come along, but it wasn't happening. :-S

Finally saw a McDonalds sign, pulled off of the highway, and barely made it into the back of the McDonalds parking, turned the car off pulled my blanket out, and totally zonked out for about an hour.

When I woke up I felt so much better, and Noah had been moving around, waiting for me to wake up. We went into McDs and got some breakfast. They're biscuits and gravy was WONDERFUL!!

Guts

2010-02-16T05:55:00.001-08:00

God is not impressed with our masks. He is after our guts- as ugly as they may be- thats really all He wants. Naked. Vulnerable, needy kids who want HIM.

February 8, 2010 Monday 9:16 pm

2010-02-16T05:53:00.001-08:00

Oh Wow.. been so long since I've been on here!! I've missed it.

On my way to sunny Florida! Noah and I left home, spur of the moment trying to stay ahead of the snow storm!!

2009-12-19T00:22:00.000-08:00

Please help me to be happy, and enjoy the things you have given me. Please help me not to wish for the things I do not have.

Help me remember, help me forget.

2009-12-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

I am miserable right now. I have no one to blame but myself, and my own stupid choices. I didn't realize how stupid they were at the time I made them, never saw the importance of certain things, but right now I hate that I made the choices I made. Please God take the mess of my life and make something decent from it. Can you make beauty from this screwed up life? I'm too far gone now to start life over. Please God can you make me happy? Content? Loved? Please.... I need you desperately Lord, right now. Please change me, make me like you. Help me make the right choices today and tomorrow? And Lord? please help me remember, and help me forget yesterday.

Friends...

2009-12-18T23:37:00.000-08:00

I miss you tonight. I was thinking about the first time I really looked at your Face Book profile.. sometime after you had invited me. I remember the pictures of you fighting with your brother, with charlie on the river, you lying in your fatigues somewhere in the desert. w/ your cool sunglasses on.... I remember the way we were just friends.. there. About a year before we met I remember when you told me you couldn't be with a girl, and i asked you "Why?" You said that you had issues, that no girl would ever want to deal with, and you wouldn't tell me why. After that "texting" conversation we didn't talk for quite a while. I remember I had texted you a couple times just saying HI! when I was bored.. and some other guy answering saying.. this isn't him. Then one day getting on fb at Stephen's and you popping up on the chat, and I yelled at you cuz of that, and asked you for your new number. You were so funny and sweet. I never thought twice about any of these times, never thought that we'd ever meet, or that you might want to date me sometime, or that we'd be where we are now. I miss that comeraderie that we had, not really knowing anything of the other, but somehow... friends. If I had known I would be here.. then. I would have been stubborn, and refused to meet you. Just to have kept that "friendship" longer, just cuz it was so fun. It has always been on the edge of my mind, but tonight it really clicked. If you wanted to talk to me. You would be like you used to be, and call or text me out of the blue. If you wanted to email me, there would be emails in my inbox.. from you. If you wanted to be here. This is where you'd be.

Challenge-Week 7... Pumping gas in costume...

2009-12-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

So, this week I didn't lose anything.. :(. In all honesty it has been a very rough week emotionally and spiritually for me. I know its no excuse, but sadly it does affect how I do. On a lighter note These pictures are from tonight, I went to a costume party at a friends, it was alot of fun. :D. On the way home I had to stop at walmart and pump gas, so I left my two Amish friends, who were riding with me in the car and stepped out. I had a white shawl wrapped around me. As I pumped I felt VERY conspicous in this clothing. I watched my two friends watching the people around us, I knew that they were cracking up at the peoples reactions. After I paid and grabbed the reciept, I went around the car, gathered my skirts, and stepped into the car. I look up out my window at the attendant in the Station... he is grinning from ear to ear, and waves at me. My friends are laughing at me as I try not to get too embarrassed, and I smile and wave back at the attendant. The girls told me that the guy was watching me and grinning the entire time, and that another guy that had pumped did a double take as he drove past on his way out. I laughed... not too often you see a girl in period clothing pumping gas into a Jetta outside of walmart. :D.

Confubbelish

2009-12-13T02:50:00.000-08:00

Good bye...
A dozen roses to say I love you
A dozen roses, she said good bye forever
He's back on her goodside for how long?
We don't talk any more maybe for always.
I thought I was special to him
He looks annoyed when I come near
They are around, somehow caring for me
But I feel alone, I'm scared
Will I be alone the rest of my life?

Them...
She's so fuzzy and warm, her mom's tongue is soft.
He's so chunky, tries to be tough, but he's not
She is tall, willowy, and graceful, I always wanted to be
He is handsome, and smart, like I always knew he'd be
They are a pair, together, inseperable every day.
They are both so lonely, wishful, and busy,
always finding something to do
He is irritable, and confused, wondering.
Which way to go, to day adieu, or I do.
I'm scared. Will I be alone for the rest of my life?

The question...
Its just a question, fades into the background,
then all at once jumps hard and fast on my heart
Getting sick of guys wanting only that part
of me, as if there isn't a bit more to me.
Getting sick of guys wondering why, whats wrong with her
She's not with you? you? or you?
There must be something wrong with her,
I'm scared, Will I be alone for the rest of my life?

Chloe

2009-12-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

Today I brought little Chloe in for a small while!

She doesn't fit inside my hand any more!

So big now! She doesn't cry as much either...

She is so sweet tho, even now she remembers us!

She started to cry, and I set my hand over her back,

she stopped crying immediately,

settled right down and relaxed! Awwww...

Lonely

2009-12-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

Today has been so hard for me, I am not sure why, or what is going on.. just that huge lonely feeling, sitting in the living room with lots of ppl who love me, yet feeling so alone. Don't wanna feel alone any more! I hate that feeling! I really feel for others.. cuz how would it be without knowing I have Jesus there? How would it be without HAVING those family and friends around that I do have? Thank Jesus for the Love that He does give me thru others!

Challenge-week 6

2009-12-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

Blah.... Didn't do so great this week! But, I am glad it was something!!! :D

Previous weight: 183.4 lbs

Current weight: 182.6 lbs

Elf

2009-12-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

I LOVE smiling!!! Smilings my favorite!! :-D

Love and Prayers....

2009-12-06T23:18:00.001-08:00

So many dreams of you, nearly every day lately... Why I wonder. Where are they all coming from? Maybe you are sad or lonely today? Maybe you need a friend. Maybe thats why. I don't understand it all.... Today for the first time I was able to tell someone who asked, that I wasn't in love with you any more, and I meant it. I love you. You will always be special to me, and I hope you will always be my friend, but I'm not in love with you any more. I'm ready to be loved in return. Ready to move on, and see what comes next. Love and Prayers, Me

Dear Friend...

2009-12-06T03:45:00.000-08:00

Today I want to let you know how much you mean to me, to thank you for all the times you have been there for me, you have listened to, prayed for, cried, hoped, dreamed, laughed and loved with me. I'm sure I will never be able to tell you enough times to truly thank you for all the times you have called right when I needed someone to talk to, or the times you have stopped your work to be there when a catastrophe was happening in my life. The times the world looked too glum and gloomy, but somehow when you finished with me, the rays of sunshine had poked thru the clouds, then burst in to a full sunshiny day. The tears dried, you pulled and prodded till gladly laughter spilled out again. The goofy messages left on my answering machine that made my day brighter. The emails, and the notes. The flowers sent to my house when I was sick, down, had a birthday, or just because. The care and love you showed when it seemed no one else had time. The times we studied, chatted, encouraged each other, laughed, hugged, and cried, up until the wee hours of the night together, neither caring what time it was, or that we had to be up at 5:00am the next morning. Thank you dear friend. I love you so much, and may the Lord help me to be half the friend to you and others, as you have been to me.

Love

2009-12-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all matters the most
Love is not rude
Love does not hide
Love does not keep locked inside.
Love is the river that flows thru
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease at the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes when you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you.
Love never fails you.

When my heart won't make a sound
When it can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this, greater than this..
Cuz love is right here, love is alive
Love is the way the truth the life..
Love is the river that flows thru
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to..
Love never fails you.
Brenden Heath

Challenge- week 5!!!

2009-12-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

Ya, I skipped a week... I figure Thanksgiving week never should count.. specially since I gained 5 pounds at least between the three meals we had that I had to work off in there. lol :-P. I lost about 2 1/2 pounds this week, and thanx to being sick for a few days :-S.. that wasn't fun at all.

Previous weight: 185.8

Current weight: 183.4

Polka-dots, and Stripes

2009-12-06T00:21:00.000-08:00

This was my brother's girlfriend, Susan and I at Stephen's house friday night. I had been sick all week from the time I got off work on Wednesday, and was so excited to be out of the house. We all bundled up and went out into the crisp night for a walk down to my grandparents house. They were leaving the next morning for florida, and we wanted to say bye. Oh, and use thier ping pong, and pool tables too of course :-D. We played games in thier basement for a couple hours, then went back to my brother's house and watched movies for awhile. Fun times.

Chloe....

2009-12-05T23:41:00.000-08:00

Chloe's little paw, on my hand

Chloe, sleeping in my hand once she started getting bigger

Chloe, soon after she started getting her strength back, in dad's hand

Chloe has been getting so much bigger! She is such a fighter, only half the size of the other puppies, but she pushes and shoves her way to her momma to eat many times a day, she seems to be thriving now, back out with her family. A couple of weeks ago, only a day after they were born, we found her cold, and nearly gone out in the dog pen, we got her warmed up and fed her every few hours, soon she was this tiny strong white mouse creature standing on her hind legs pushing against my hand pawing at the little tiny bottle as she nursed from it. By the time we put her out with her mommy her eyes were open, a gorgeous blue, and she was so ornery. One time I was gently pulling on her little ear commenting how it looked like a tiny piece of cut leather and she started her little squealing telling me she didn't like it. She made me laugh. I'm so thankful she made it alive, we have had three other puppies in this litter die, and we aren't sure why, so... Chloe is our miracle baby...

Ya...

2009-12-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

Hi... I'm tired, and grumpy, and I have NO idea whats going on with my work schedule.. this is scary. All I know is they said I am to come in like normal on Saturday night.. lol. I am here, but I never found out what I am supposed to work tomorrow.... HELP!

I think I had an epiphany on Thanksgiving. You don't care. I'm not brilliant I know this... but ya. You didn't even tell a friend Happy Thanksgiving back. I get it. So ya.

LIVE

2009-12-02T00:14:00.001-08:00

From here back to the entry titled Dreams of You are some things I had written, but not posted in the month of November, cuz I wasn't sure about posting them..... so they are out of order quite a bit.

Something has been happening. I can tell something is wrong, my stomach has been in a gut wrenching knot all day. God please give me ur peace, and protect and keep those I love, keep your angels around them dear Jesus??

Forgetting those things which are behind, and looking forward.... LIVE

Just Trust

2009-12-02T00:13:00.002-08:00

Hi... its a lonely night.. I am so happy tonight.. lol, like this saying they put up on the computer wallpaper.. :) I'm happier than a bird with a french fry!!! :D lol. I love it. I still miss you tho!! HOW!! lol.. Oh well.... seems to be the story of my life, I think I will always care for you, even letting go. Saw this really cool guy from Bristol Indiana on a dating site, and it said we have alot in common... I think I'd date him! lol. If Punk lived closer than texas, I think I would date him if he wanted to get together... He's great. But likely.. none of these will happen. God has a story for me. I am living it out. I sometimes wish I could see the future, but on the other hand... I can hardly handle what is happening right now in my life, how would I handle the future too? I suppose I will keep trying my best to trust.. Just trust like that little girl in the meadow picking flowers, without a care in her mind... Trust Jesus.

Not Right

2009-12-02T00:13:00.001-08:00

Why do you say you know I haven't missed you? HOW can you say that when we haven't talked in a very long time? You have no idea the things I have gone thru in this time, or how many times I've cried, or been happy. Please don't come back into my life telling me that we don't know eachother any more, but for some reason you do know how I've been without even asking me. Its just not right

Do you hate me?

2009-12-02T00:12:00.001-08:00

Do you hate me? After all that we've done and the hurtful things I've said, you have never once told me even one hurtful thing. What it is that you dislike about me so much. What thing about me was it that made you say the second time you started to care that you didnt want me? I look at you, I think by now I should know you... alittle bit. I still don't know how you feel about me. Do you like me? alittle? Do you like to be with me? Do you detest me? Do you hate that I pray for you? The only things I know for sure is that sometimes you need your space, that you said you loved me, then you said you didnt, then you said that you didnt know about us, then you said we would never be together, but you still would fu** me. I hate to surmize this, but sometimes I wonder, is that the only reason we are friends still? If its not I wish I knew how you still care. Why you still care. If you still care. What are you thinking when we are talking or chatting?? I wish this idiot would forget about our friendship? or Thanks for being my friend...?? Hun... do you hate me? What goes on in that mind and heart of yours?

Even tho I hate you

2009-12-02T00:11:00.001-08:00

I hate you... sometimes I really hate you. But the only reason I do, is because you said you don't want me. Do I really hate you because I love you? Cause I've wanted you so bad? I just don't know anymore.... cuz sometimes I still want you, even tho I hate you. Sometimes I still love you and know I'd to anything for you, even tho I hate you.

Dating...

2009-12-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

I never really knew you. You never really knew me. We thought we knew each other, but we knew almost nothing. We never really dated, even though we talked so much. We never had opportunity to work together. To live situations together. No, I never really knew you. You never really knew me.

Phone Call

2009-12-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

I called you tonight, I was waiting in my car for a friend to show up, I was bored. So I called you. The rain was falling on my car roof. You answered. I was alittle nervous. We talked. You made me laugh. Nervous dissappeared. The call was short. It was really nice. Thank you.

To Trust You more....

2009-12-01T23:56:00.001-08:00

Why don't I pray more, trust more, spend more time talking with you, instead of talking about the problems of myself and others? Please help me not to be negative about myself, and others, but Lord help me to see and love others thru your eyes, with your love alone. Please put a watch over my lips that what I say pleases, and glorify's you Jesus. IJN

Someone to talk to...

2009-12-01T23:53:00.001-08:00

Wandering from site to site, its a quiet night, just wish for someone to talk with. Someone who is not weird, but who loves the Lord as much as I do. Someone who I know won't make nasty comments, or try to talk dirty to me. Someone who won't tell me that my ministry is to the phillipino people, that I should marry them and move to the phillipines lol... Or tell me that I am naive becuz I wanna obey God's standards in the word....Is it too much to ask Lord?

Missing You

2009-12-01T23:52:00.001-08:00

Its at the weirdest times that I am overwhelmed by missing you. Today I was sitting on the couch, talking with my mom and a friend about a christian woman's place in the home/church. Basically talking about 1 Cor 14, when suddenly this huge MISSING feeling came apon me, I looked out the window as thier conversation swirled around me, and remembered some conversations that you and I had about the same subject. I said a prayer for you hun, today we are in two different worlds... but I will always hope the best for you :) With all the Love of Christ. Me

Its Done

2009-12-01T23:51:00.001-08:00

Its done, its over, ur gone, its done.
Now I see, now I know, that what you told me is true,
that you don't love me, and we'll really never be
I thought you might love me again one day, but no
I don't think it will happen now, I always thought it would
kill me to realize this ,but no, I'm still breathing
one breath at a time, I'm still living,
one day at a time, It doesnt kill me now
every time I think of you, It only hurts, only a bit
We weren't real, I don't wanna go back,
when I think of what we were. I'm content where I am
I'm content as your friend, I'm content to live
Where God has put me, I hope to be
only where He wants me.

Alone

2009-12-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

I know you do miracles every day, I know you've sustained me to this point in my life Lord. I'm just SOOO lonely Lord... I've asked you for the miracle of true love since I was old enough to know what it was, yet I am almost 28, and obviously for some reason it eludes me. I've been feeling so alone God. Even tho I spent a few hours tonight with alot of ppl, I still am lonely. Please won't you work a miracle now? I don't wanna be alone any more Lord. So tired of being alone.

True Beauty

Tired and Lonely

Which one?

Sick

Cheating God

Camp

Not Alone

Grace

Adventure

Missing

Truck Ride

Arrows

Jake

Michigan

Loved

Born Again

This n that

Bugs

True Love

More

Snippet

A VERY close call...

4-25-10 Sunday

4-25-10 Answers

David's Version

Can't take it any more

March 14, Saturday 2010

Alone

SPA!

Loved Ones

5 Min Check-up

Little Girl 4-7-10

Thanks 4-7-10

His Ways are Better

List to self

Happy Birthday Aaron!!

The Great Fire of 2010

Words of a Wise Friend...

Serendipitous

Pills!!!

Thursday, April Fools Day

Speak to me!

Life, as it is. Happy

Spa

The Journey Home. February 19, 2010

Shoes, Cup, and Cork Club

February 18, 2010

Evening on the town

Ready

February 16, 2010

Home Sweet Virginia

The Journey

February 14th VALENTINES DAY!!

Around Gma and Gpa L's

February 13, 2010, Saturday

February 12, 2010 Friday

Mickey D's

REAL HOMEMADE FRIED CHICKEN!!!

February 10, 2010

Tease!

When we got to FL....

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 7:43 PM

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 3:26 pm

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 1:16 PM

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 8:09 am

February 9, 2010, Tuesday 3:29 am

Guts

February 8, 2010 Monday 9:16 pm

Help me remember, help me forget.

Friends...

Challenge-Week 7... Pumping gas in costume...

Confubbelish

Chloe

Lonely

Challenge-week 6

Elf

Love and Prayers....

Dear Friend...

Love

Challenge- week 5!!!